Sometimes in the morning my car, much like myself, shudders when accelerating through first gear. Cold, cranky, and mildly depressed at the prospects of transporting somewhere to sit all day - it's no wonder we're reluctant. Workhorses. Young, pretty, classy, dignified, and sometimes slow to warm up.
I have an appointment with a mechanic to have this "looked" at, because unlike ourselves, we repair inanimate objects when they begin to malfunction. And we do this at the first sign of malfunction because, if we didn't, something really bad might happen. Then why, if I may ask, do we not treat ourselves the same way? I'm not just talking physical health, either. It seems to me that most humans let problems and situations fester until the point that really bad things happen. Why? Because it's easier that way? In the end, an issue will be resolved whether its the long, drawn-out, stressful, painstaking way, or the quicky, easy, ripping off a bandaid kind of way.
I say, take the time and courage to do things the right way. I think you'll find it'll turn out better than you thought!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Hoopla and Hootenanny
Here we are, Christmas Eve, amidst the burgeoning hoopla and hootenanny we call the holidays. Right smack dab in the middle of it. Chaos. Everyone is rushing around, shopping, stressing out, overeating ("indulging" because, well it's the holidays, and my diet starts with my new year's resolution), singing, hoarding, worrying, planning, overspending, traveling, packing, doing 9,000 activities ... (What's with the kid's face in the picture by the way? Must be Black Peter...)
I prefer to approach my holidays like a hunting tiger. Slow, steady, tactful, stealthy, decisive. Make a decision and execute. I did all my holiday shopping in 4 hours in three stores, and came in under budget. How about them apples?! Granted, I spent about an hour planning - but at least that was at the comfort and focus of my desk, not in the middle of Walmart as an angry mom of 4 is pushing her cart into my heels trying to get through to the display of Hannah Montana toys.
Slow things down and do it the right way, and efficiently. Imagine, plan, finalize, and then execute.
In my opinion, time is better spent this way. Not just during the holidays, but in general. Worrying is so much time wasted. It takes up a lot of energy that could be spent producing a solution. "It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?" - Henry David Thoreau
Our new course of action: Simple and easy. Stress less. Do more. The concept is like a gadget As Seen on TV! making life easier, tasks so much quicker, and you think, I can't believe I lived without this before and I can't imagine a future without it. (This is how I feel about ShamWOW). The key is foresight and allotting yourself enough time to plan. Your best work cannot be done on short notice - but better work can be done if you take the time to build a plan of action, no matter where you are in the process.
This isn't to say that I don't fly by the seat of my pants for most of my days. I am a big proponent of spontaneity. It's one of the gifts of life and almost always allows for more humor. That's why you get the jobs you need to do out of the way so that free time can be spent frolicking and fumbling about. And you can only really 100% enjoy this if you don't have any impending worries on your mind. So it is best to get things that need to be done out of the way as soon as possible and with as little effort as is needed.
Now, as I kick back and eat fudge and be merry, I am saddened by the fact that others are out there hustling around buying mediocre gifts (...and the when-all-else-fails-and-I'm-too-burned-out-to-care-anymore gift cards) when they could have just followed these simple steps I've outlined above. IPFE. Imagine, plan, finalize, execute.
After all, dreams and ideas are meaningless until you pursue them. And if you have no time to dream, that makes for a very joyless life.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Beware of Paco, He's a Thief.
That was what a sign read in the front yard of a house in the neighborhood we just moved into. Seems to me that there may or may not be better (and more productive) outlets to voice one's opinion. But I guess whatever makes you feel better, right?
That sign was posted for over a month.
Today, I was approaching the house as I do everyday on my morning commute to work and there is a neon sign lit up in the window reminiscent of the Bud Light beer neons you see at bars or the "Open" sign buzzing above a shanty convenience store door jam. I approach even closer and as I pause at the stop sign I notice that the neon sign is a beach scene with the word 'Peace' glowing in the middle.
It could be a reformation, or maybe it's just the holiday season, but it seems to me that these people are caught in the middle of instigating and mitigating war. How can you post such a provocative sign one day, and then release a white dove the next?
It's almost as if they're begging recompense.
I wish people would just stop acting so passive aggressively and rude and start acting more productively and friendly. The world would really be a better place if everyone bit their tongue a couple more times and acted rationally all the time.
That sign was posted for over a month.
Today, I was approaching the house as I do everyday on my morning commute to work and there is a neon sign lit up in the window reminiscent of the Bud Light beer neons you see at bars or the "Open" sign buzzing above a shanty convenience store door jam. I approach even closer and as I pause at the stop sign I notice that the neon sign is a beach scene with the word 'Peace' glowing in the middle.
It could be a reformation, or maybe it's just the holiday season, but it seems to me that these people are caught in the middle of instigating and mitigating war. How can you post such a provocative sign one day, and then release a white dove the next?
It's almost as if they're begging recompense.
I wish people would just stop acting so passive aggressively and rude and start acting more productively and friendly. The world would really be a better place if everyone bit their tongue a couple more times and acted rationally all the time.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Buxom Beauties
The Sun Maid raisins girl got a makeover. Matter of factly, so did B. Crock, Miz Butterworth, Lil Dora Explorer, and Auntie Jemima. But the activists are pissed:
http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/108296/sun-maid-girl-makeover-sparks-controversy.html?mod=family-love_money
and
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2456746/sunmaid_raisin_girl_joins_dora_the.html?cat=3
They like the 90 yr old imagery of the overweight, vitamin D deprived, simple Sally. Well, "news" flash, times are a-changing. So what if the company wants to amp up its brand? The image dates back to 1915, when "life was . . . a lot less hectic."
1915! I think its time. Just like the soda companies changed their cans and Jack in the Box updated their logo and image. It's simple marketing, a company making their image current and/or appealing to a broader audience. All is fair in the game of sales.
Their I-♥-Raisin-spokesperson says they want to encourage healthy food choices by making their image more relateable to the current society. And if we're lucky, we'll get to see the new girl "...doing some of the things modern women typically do, like going to the gym, shopping at the market, and speaking multiple languages."
So what if little miss Rachel Raisin wants to get out and live a little. Everyone else is.
Literally and figuratively eating shriveled grapes.
http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/108296/sun-maid-girl-makeover-sparks-controversy.html?mod=family-love_money
and
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2456746/sunmaid_raisin_girl_joins_dora_the.html?cat=3
They like the 90 yr old imagery of the overweight, vitamin D deprived, simple Sally. Well, "news" flash, times are a-changing. So what if the company wants to amp up its brand? The image dates back to 1915, when "life was . . . a lot less hectic."
1915! I think its time. Just like the soda companies changed their cans and Jack in the Box updated their logo and image. It's simple marketing, a company making their image current and/or appealing to a broader audience. All is fair in the game of sales.
Their I-♥-Raisin-spokesperson says they want to encourage healthy food choices by making their image more relateable to the current society. And if we're lucky, we'll get to see the new girl "...doing some of the things modern women typically do, like going to the gym, shopping at the market, and speaking multiple languages."
Here she is doing yoga.
I can hardly wait to see her grocery shop and mangia con la famiglia.
So what if little miss Rachel Raisin wants to get out and live a little. Everyone else is.
Literally and figuratively eating shriveled grapes.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
P is for Penguin
I feel a little like Jessica Alba in the movie Good Luck Chuck saying this, but today I was wondering why penguins waddle. I mean, it's pretty amazing to me (regardless of their oldest standing record of best-dressed in the animal kingdom) that those penguin chicks even bother to mate with men that waddle from here to there. I mean they have legs.... right?
I bet all it would take is one badass motha-penguin who decided to get from here to there like Rollo Larson on Sanford and Son. I'm talking about the fast walk, with large steps, arm pumping back and forth like a man with a mission and somewhere to be (not your typical Snoop Dogg pimp walk and definitely not your typical penguin dweeby waddle).
Yeeeeeeeahh....
That would definitely get the penguin ladies. But clearly that P is for Penguin the pimp has not yet entered into the world and the masses will have to patiently waddle. And as it turns out, it is an energy/heat-saving mechanism - in the cold weather they expose less of their legs waddling than striding and expend the least effort, conserving their calories for more ...ughem... productive activities. Like swimming in icy cold water.
Maybe things happen the way they do for a reason after all...
Do we discover patterns or create them?
I bet all it would take is one badass motha-penguin who decided to get from here to there like Rollo Larson on Sanford and Son. I'm talking about the fast walk, with large steps, arm pumping back and forth like a man with a mission and somewhere to be (not your typical Snoop Dogg pimp walk and definitely not your typical penguin dweeby waddle).
Yeeeeeeeahh....
That would definitely get the penguin ladies. But clearly that P is for Penguin the pimp has not yet entered into the world and the masses will have to patiently waddle. And as it turns out, it is an energy/heat-saving mechanism - in the cold weather they expose less of their legs waddling than striding and expend the least effort, conserving their calories for more ...ughem... productive activities. Like swimming in icy cold water.
Maybe things happen the way they do for a reason after all...
Do we discover patterns or create them?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Misconceptions and Madness
The word crusty almost never describes something good.
Shower heads.
Crusty.
The word reverberates in my head as if someone took a fingernail and scraped the calcification off that bad boy. Sounds just like it means, crusty. It's never a pleasant descriptor. Except maybe bread. And salmon. Yeah, I think bread and fish fillets are the exception to crusty = bad. Or is that crispy? I guess crispy is a synonym for crusty? That's it. Crusty is the ugly stepsister of crispy.
Moving along.
Another common misconception is the word automatic.
It almost never really means it's taken care of all by itself (- and is it just me or is the word 'automatic' peculiarly hard to define?). I'm constantly reminded of that particular fact while I'm standing at the bathroom sink waiting (vigorously moving my hands in every imaginable position) for the water to appear. I feel pretty cool during these times in my life. George Jetson sure did have a lot more finesse.
A lot of things seem easier than they are to do. Playing football, jumping rope, making calculations on a graphing calculator, speaking a foreign language (Cah-mo es-tah huus-ted my mom says) ... not being hypocritical. Which is why I think that you should try and focus on the things you are good at, instead of trying to make yourself better at the things you're bad at. You can either excel at your strengths or, at the very most, be mediocre in your weaknesses. So why not focus your energy on honing your good qualities and skills??
I think we were all good at different things, and everyone is good at something. Find out what if you haven't already!
Literally and actually waiting for the water to turn on.
Shower heads.
Crusty.
The word reverberates in my head as if someone took a fingernail and scraped the calcification off that bad boy. Sounds just like it means, crusty. It's never a pleasant descriptor. Except maybe bread. And salmon. Yeah, I think bread and fish fillets are the exception to crusty = bad. Or is that crispy? I guess crispy is a synonym for crusty? That's it. Crusty is the ugly stepsister of crispy.
Moving along.
Another common misconception is the word automatic.
It almost never really means it's taken care of all by itself (- and is it just me or is the word 'automatic' peculiarly hard to define?). I'm constantly reminded of that particular fact while I'm standing at the bathroom sink waiting (vigorously moving my hands in every imaginable position) for the water to appear. I feel pretty cool during these times in my life. George Jetson sure did have a lot more finesse.
A lot of things seem easier than they are to do. Playing football, jumping rope, making calculations on a graphing calculator, speaking a foreign language (Cah-mo es-tah huus-ted my mom says) ... not being hypocritical. Which is why I think that you should try and focus on the things you are good at, instead of trying to make yourself better at the things you're bad at. You can either excel at your strengths or, at the very most, be mediocre in your weaknesses. So why not focus your energy on honing your good qualities and skills??
I think we were all good at different things, and everyone is good at something. Find out what if you haven't already!
Literally and actually waiting for the water to turn on.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Empty Your Pockets
The topic of this blog hit me as I was taking my dog for our ritual 6am morning stroll down poop alley. Pockets. You can find them on most garments, as a feature of office supplies, in your car, the back of an airplane seat, and on various other mundane, everyday objects. They're used for storing things, collecting small debris, and capturing your attention at 3 second intervals like a Morse code message.
For this particular occasion, the pockets were my sweatpants pockets storing my doggie bag and gate keys. These pants pockets aren't particularly deep, they are rather wide, and they are angled just a tad bit downward for ease of placing your hands in them.
Good for hand occupation, bad for transporting miscellany.
While the plastic grocery sack would be an unfortunate loss - leaving a steamer on the lawn for the neighbors to step in, accompanied by angry stares from those looky-loos that think I'm an irresponsible pet owner not picking it up... - what I would really be bummed to lose would be the keys. They are my only access back into my gate and they cannot be duplicated.
Quite often I use my pockets to transport or carry important items that I wouldn't want to lose. Which is why, every time I'm using my pocket to store something, I imagine it falling out, the ramifications of that event, and then I put my hand in my pocket to make sure the contents are secure/still there. A mental role call to calm my fears. This event happens frequently until I finally decide to take out the item and hold it in my hand until I get where I'm going.
I'd say most things in my pockets, depending on the pocket dimension and build obviously, have about a 60/40 chance of falling out, and if they did fall out, I'd say there would be around a 40% chance that I wouldn't notice. So... just putting anything in my pocket is almost a 25% chance that I'd lose it. I'd say these stats apply to most of the general population so either pockets have evolved to the function of a lonely place to keep your hands on occasion, or they are a representation of the older, more care-free days where people were OK with the chance that they'd lose a 1/4 of their valuables kept in pockets.
Anyway, I'll take the risk for convenience. Literally and actually using my pockets for more than my hands.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Revealing and Revelling
I love jigsaw puzzles, jenga, and sudoku. My favorite game growing up was picture hunt . . . you know the one where they show you two pictures and you have to spot the differences? I had all 4 Where's Waldo books that came out in the 1990s. To this day I can look at any of them and point out where that little candy cane man is, AND I can find his dropped items. 
It literally took me 3 seconds to look at the department store picture above and find Wally next to the table with the boots. Seriously, I'm that good! (Nothing really to be proud of, it's mainly due to a self-entertaining childhood and many late nights up in bed with my flashlight just trying to find... that ... last... little... set of ...glasses.. YES! There they ARE!!!)
I should have known what I'd become later in life.
Now I'm one of those people that prides myself at finding things others look over. It's an intrinsic quality that I'll never be able to kick. I notice the extras in movies. I catch spelling mistakes. I remember weird quirks people have and things they want for their birthdays. I've come to terms with it and I'm currently assessing how I can best use it to my advantage.
So you can imagine my delight when I was reading an article in the New York Times and saw the word canceled. "What?!", I thought, a typo in a such a prestigious newspaper??... followed by a few mental "tshch" and "pshtcha"s. I hastily opened an new web broswer window to double check my discovery on dictionary.com only to find that cancelled is the British form of the word and the modern day English word is correctly, to my dismay, Canceled. I guess both being right is better than me being wrong!
It literally took me 3 seconds to look at the department store picture above and find Wally next to the table with the boots. Seriously, I'm that good! (Nothing really to be proud of, it's mainly due to a self-entertaining childhood and many late nights up in bed with my flashlight just trying to find... that ... last... little... set of ...glasses.. YES! There they ARE!!!)I should have known what I'd become later in life.
Now I'm one of those people that prides myself at finding things others look over. It's an intrinsic quality that I'll never be able to kick. I notice the extras in movies. I catch spelling mistakes. I remember weird quirks people have and things they want for their birthdays. I've come to terms with it and I'm currently assessing how I can best use it to my advantage.
So you can imagine my delight when I was reading an article in the New York Times and saw the word canceled. "What?!", I thought, a typo in a such a prestigious newspaper??... followed by a few mental "tshch" and "pshtcha"s. I hastily opened an new web broswer window to double check my discovery on dictionary.com only to find that cancelled is the British form of the word and the modern day English word is correctly, to my dismay, Canceled. I guess both being right is better than me being wrong!
Hmph.
I comfort myself in the fact that the English language is one of the hardest languages to learn. Mainly because there are so many exceptions and special instances, ... neighbors and weigh ... or how past tense is sometimes the same as future tense - read (I read a book) is spelled the same as read (I am going to read a book). The problem goes further, once you get to learn it all, they change it on you.
Take for example, the double space. I was taught in grammar school that you're only supposed to use one space after periods, and that the old double space standard was a remnant from the old typewriter days. I despise the double space. I work with people that double space and just to spite them, I go back and erase every little extra space. It's tedious and time-consuming but the effects are similar to scrubbing the grout on your kitchen tile floor. In the end, gleaming in all its glory.
Ok, so I'm an extremist with a hint of perfectionism. What can I say? Old habits die hard and I learned at a very young age to spot the differences and find the missing pieces. So I suggest you take a long hard look at the board games you loved as a kid and determine what they say about you. I bet it's something good. :)
Take for example, the double space. I was taught in grammar school that you're only supposed to use one space after periods, and that the old double space standard was a remnant from the old typewriter days. I despise the double space. I work with people that double space and just to spite them, I go back and erase every little extra space. It's tedious and time-consuming but the effects are similar to scrubbing the grout on your kitchen tile floor. In the end, gleaming in all its glory.
Ok, so I'm an extremist with a hint of perfectionism. What can I say? Old habits die hard and I learned at a very young age to spot the differences and find the missing pieces. So I suggest you take a long hard look at the board games you loved as a kid and determine what they say about you. I bet it's something good. :)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Beginning of the End, or the End of the Beginning?
The old bald guy in the hot tub told my friend and I that his kids have a curfew of 12 because "nothing good ever happens after midnight." One of the many insightful things he shared with us, yet I couldn't agree with him more. Which got me to thinking that, in general, most things go downhill shortly after they begin, and once they hit a certain point it seems that nothing good can come of it.
Exhibit A: Yogurt.
I think most would agree that the best part of eating yogurt is licking the foil top. (If you grew up with parents like mine, "waste not, want not").
Shortly followed by the bush league container contents that always seem to be just 2 degrees shy of being just the right temp.
And then comes the mental agony of not being able to scrape it all out. If I just angle my spoon like this... oh, got it, oh there's just a little more... (Ok, maybe that part is just me and my borderline OCD complex, or "waste not, want not")... but I swear the yogurt companies make the containers just narrow enough so that the suckers that try to get the last bit out get it on their knuckles and can never actually get the last bit out. They're out there laughing somewhere. I'd laugh too.
But in the end, the end is never as good as the beginning, and only slightly worse than the middle.
Exhibit B: Personal Email Accounts.
Each day, part of my routine consists of logging into my personal email account to check my emails. For some reason, when I log in, it shoots me out onto a cover page. (Why doesn't it take you straight to your inbox? Why Yahoo, why??!). It tells me I have XX unread emails. Wow! That's fabulous. I feel pretty good inside as I click the inbox link and momentarily hike over the top of the excitement curve. Only to find that 11 out of the 12 new messages are from the pizza hut... and other various email junk that I have a love-hate relationship with. The end, is such a sudden and abrupt halt to anything good that happened in the beginning.
Which brings me to Exhibit C: Junk Email.
I sign up for it, receive it, realize it's junk, but just can't seem to unsubscribe. I just can't take the finality of the unsubscribe link. They should really have a 'pause these emails' link or a 'send me only the really good stuff'' option.
In the beginning, it's the bogo coupon you get every Tuesday. Or the announcement of the presale for "select" email customers. In the middle, it's scroll through and look for any coupon, and then delete. In the end, it's a daily bombardment of 25 junk email newsletters reminding you that they cater lunch events and there's free shipping on all orders over $50. Also reminding you that the only friends you have that actually email you are blockbuster, pizza hut, rubio's, and pottery barn. Awesome.
Exhibit D: Your Toothbrush.
There is really nothing like the feeling of breaking out a new tarter titan. The first couple brushes are glorious. Like little purifying pixies came and scrubbed the inner depths of each tooth. Then brushes day 2 - 48 are run of the mill, intermixed with the occasional delight that your toothbrush is your favorite color or has that neato rubber grip. This is of course followed by the impending demise where the bristles are so far frayed out that the ends don't even touch your tooth and you're pretty sure your finger could do better work. Who freakin' cares if its purple. It's a worthless piece of crap. Yep, sounds like an end to me.
So in the end, which really comes right after the beginning, since the middle is the beginning of the end, we must learn to enjoy new things. Like a good meal, the beginning of anything is always the best part. Such is life, and is like life, that we are always trekking toward the end and forgetting how good the beginning was, and is, and will be.
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today" - or in the sense of this blog -
Enjoy the end as if it were the beginning, enjoy the beginning until its end.
Exhibit A: Yogurt.
I think most would agree that the best part of eating yogurt is licking the foil top. (If you grew up with parents like mine, "waste not, want not").Shortly followed by the bush league container contents that always seem to be just 2 degrees shy of being just the right temp.
And then comes the mental agony of not being able to scrape it all out. If I just angle my spoon like this... oh, got it, oh there's just a little more... (Ok, maybe that part is just me and my borderline OCD complex, or "waste not, want not")... but I swear the yogurt companies make the containers just narrow enough so that the suckers that try to get the last bit out get it on their knuckles and can never actually get the last bit out. They're out there laughing somewhere. I'd laugh too.
But in the end, the end is never as good as the beginning, and only slightly worse than the middle.
Exhibit B: Personal Email Accounts.
Each day, part of my routine consists of logging into my personal email account to check my emails. For some reason, when I log in, it shoots me out onto a cover page. (Why doesn't it take you straight to your inbox? Why Yahoo, why??!). It tells me I have XX unread emails. Wow! That's fabulous. I feel pretty good inside as I click the inbox link and momentarily hike over the top of the excitement curve. Only to find that 11 out of the 12 new messages are from the pizza hut... and other various email junk that I have a love-hate relationship with. The end, is such a sudden and abrupt halt to anything good that happened in the beginning.
Which brings me to Exhibit C: Junk Email.
I sign up for it, receive it, realize it's junk, but just can't seem to unsubscribe. I just can't take the finality of the unsubscribe link. They should really have a 'pause these emails' link or a 'send me only the really good stuff'' option.
In the beginning, it's the bogo coupon you get every Tuesday. Or the announcement of the presale for "select" email customers. In the middle, it's scroll through and look for any coupon, and then delete. In the end, it's a daily bombardment of 25 junk email newsletters reminding you that they cater lunch events and there's free shipping on all orders over $50. Also reminding you that the only friends you have that actually email you are blockbuster, pizza hut, rubio's, and pottery barn. Awesome.
Exhibit D: Your Toothbrush.
There is really nothing like the feeling of breaking out a new tarter titan. The first couple brushes are glorious. Like little purifying pixies came and scrubbed the inner depths of each tooth. Then brushes day 2 - 48 are run of the mill, intermixed with the occasional delight that your toothbrush is your favorite color or has that neato rubber grip. This is of course followed by the impending demise where the bristles are so far frayed out that the ends don't even touch your tooth and you're pretty sure your finger could do better work. Who freakin' cares if its purple. It's a worthless piece of crap. Yep, sounds like an end to me.
So in the end, which really comes right after the beginning, since the middle is the beginning of the end, we must learn to enjoy new things. Like a good meal, the beginning of anything is always the best part. Such is life, and is like life, that we are always trekking toward the end and forgetting how good the beginning was, and is, and will be.
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today" - or in the sense of this blog -
Enjoy the end as if it were the beginning, enjoy the beginning until its end.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Food Solicitation
Food is no novel thing. There are 2900 variations of the same product. Which is why food has some of the most aggressive marketing out there. And it works. Say you have a brand new cereal to introduce to the market. It's chocolatey, it's in pebble form, it's got a strikingly similar resemblance to Count Chocula's Cocoa Pebbles. How then, do you differentiate your product so that Suzy Soccer Mom picks your brand over the Count?
The 4 P's my friend. Peter Piper Picked a... oh wait no, the four P's of marketing: Product, Price, Promotion, and Place. These four words are the core to any marketing plan. Once you've scoured over the options, you're sure to corner a profitable market somewhere or somehow.
So your cereal, it's not a new product on the market. There goes the Product P. Price? Well, we're in this to make money. Like Kanye says, we are not working this hard to drive a Rav4. Dream big(ger). Not to mention that the generic market has this covered - they skimp on advertising so they can afford to lower price. So price cutting is out. Place. Well, cereal is sold everywhere and is eaten by the vast majority. Maybe we could market stronger in towns that have more children? Kids love chocolate sugary crap. Maybe, in stores that have traditionally more family based shoppers? That might work. Still not enough of an edge.
This is where most people end up. Aggressive and sometimes shameless (think Speidi and the balloon boy) Promotion. Although the FCC regulates advertising communication to some extent, that only protects the average person from blatant fallacious expressions. When it comes down to it, companies are free to put whatever claims they want on whatever type of packaging they choose, with minimal proof to back it up. Shoppers beware, if you care that you choices are being made for you.
The glitter and flashing lights accost me everytime I walk down the grocery aisle. Bright colors, big pictures (of what the food doesn't really look like inside), cartoons, exclamations, reasons to buy... etc. The average shopper, on an item that is unknown to them, is going to default to price, then appearance. Think of wine. You know you like merlot, but not really sure which brand? You go label. That's how I found my favorite Chianti, it had a picture of a knight on a horse. Reminded me of Cable Guy and Medieval Times restaurant. I buy it every time I buy Chianti.
But the trickery doesn't stop there.
The other day I was eating candy and I look at the packaging and was delighted to find that they were of the utmost standard, GOURMET, written right there, across the top so it must be true... I got them at the dollar store...
Gourmet, defined: "to involve high-quality or exotic ingredients and skilled preparation"
I guess the "high" in high fructose corn syrup stands for "high quality." Fancy.
Then comes the biggest farce of them all. The "fun" size. Why are small things more fun?
Little nuggets of bite size goodness.
Signed,
An accepting victim of the food advertisement conspiracy/
Co-Founder of Uncle Krusty's Cocoa Rice Magic Bites
Oh, the view from the soap box is so great.
The 4 P's my friend. Peter Piper Picked a... oh wait no, the four P's of marketing: Product, Price, Promotion, and Place. These four words are the core to any marketing plan. Once you've scoured over the options, you're sure to corner a profitable market somewhere or somehow.
So your cereal, it's not a new product on the market. There goes the Product P. Price? Well, we're in this to make money. Like Kanye says, we are not working this hard to drive a Rav4. Dream big(ger). Not to mention that the generic market has this covered - they skimp on advertising so they can afford to lower price. So price cutting is out. Place. Well, cereal is sold everywhere and is eaten by the vast majority. Maybe we could market stronger in towns that have more children? Kids love chocolate sugary crap. Maybe, in stores that have traditionally more family based shoppers? That might work. Still not enough of an edge.
This is where most people end up. Aggressive and sometimes shameless (think Speidi and the balloon boy) Promotion. Although the FCC regulates advertising communication to some extent, that only protects the average person from blatant fallacious expressions. When it comes down to it, companies are free to put whatever claims they want on whatever type of packaging they choose, with minimal proof to back it up. Shoppers beware, if you care that you choices are being made for you.
The glitter and flashing lights accost me everytime I walk down the grocery aisle. Bright colors, big pictures (of what the food doesn't really look like inside), cartoons, exclamations, reasons to buy... etc. The average shopper, on an item that is unknown to them, is going to default to price, then appearance. Think of wine. You know you like merlot, but not really sure which brand? You go label. That's how I found my favorite Chianti, it had a picture of a knight on a horse. Reminded me of Cable Guy and Medieval Times restaurant. I buy it every time I buy Chianti.
But the trickery doesn't stop there.
The other day I was eating candy and I look at the packaging and was delighted to find that they were of the utmost standard, GOURMET, written right there, across the top so it must be true... I got them at the dollar store...
Gourmet, defined: "to involve high-quality or exotic ingredients and skilled preparation"
I guess the "high" in high fructose corn syrup stands for "high quality." Fancy.
Then comes the biggest farce of them all. The "fun" size. Why are small things more fun?
Little nuggets of bite size goodness.
Fun size. Mini bites. Things are more fun when they are small. You can eat more of them without feeling like a fat ass is more like it. It's the cognitive dissonance between gluttony and "it's only a mini bite."
(FYI, "Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously.")
So you hire an illustrator to draw you up his best chocolate pebble loving cartoon character, slap a "4 Real wholesome grains" exclamation bubble on the box, and post it up on the shelf next to Corny O's Wagon Wheels and wait for the shoppers to make it rain.Signed,
An accepting victim of the food advertisement conspiracy/
Co-Founder of Uncle Krusty's Cocoa Rice Magic Bites
Oh, the view from the soap box is so great.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Yeah Utah!
In tough economic times, people and companies are beginning to think of ways to save. The state of Utah took it to the next level by mandating the 4 day workweek:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/ut_four_day_workweek
I was first introduced to flex hours a couple years ago. HR brilliance. Really. I'm not lucky enough to work it, but I knew someone who was. I would absolutely love working a shorter week. Heck, I'm here close to 10 hours a day anyway, and I have no one to care for but myself. I can see how it would be harder for those with children and families. Longer hours means more daycare, and less time spent together.
What Utah found out, however, was that the employees were happier with the new time structure (evidenced by this "expert" testimony):
"I do love the 4/10 and told my boss if they take it away, I'll probably cry," she said.
(Wow, thank you for that. Great report.)
But not only that, it also turned out to be largely profitable for the state. $4.8 million they saved in just one short year. The main savings, as it turned out, was from a decrease in overtime hours. Plus, I bet people are more efficient not having to put down and pick projects back up day after day. The more contiguous hours worked, the more headway you can make. AND it's beneficial for the environment lowering energy and fuel usage.
I say California should try it. We have even more things to enjoy outside of work than Utah :) ... [enter angry Utah native argument here] so more free time during the day would be enviable.
The point of the story is that good things sometimes come from thinking outside the box. I love when people take risks, break away from the norm, try new things... and then find that they are successful.
Doing things that worked for those before us will only get us as far as them.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/ut_four_day_workweek
I was first introduced to flex hours a couple years ago. HR brilliance. Really. I'm not lucky enough to work it, but I knew someone who was. I would absolutely love working a shorter week. Heck, I'm here close to 10 hours a day anyway, and I have no one to care for but myself. I can see how it would be harder for those with children and families. Longer hours means more daycare, and less time spent together.
What Utah found out, however, was that the employees were happier with the new time structure (evidenced by this "expert" testimony):
"I do love the 4/10 and told my boss if they take it away, I'll probably cry," she said.
(Wow, thank you for that. Great report.)
But not only that, it also turned out to be largely profitable for the state. $4.8 million they saved in just one short year. The main savings, as it turned out, was from a decrease in overtime hours. Plus, I bet people are more efficient not having to put down and pick projects back up day after day. The more contiguous hours worked, the more headway you can make. AND it's beneficial for the environment lowering energy and fuel usage.
I say California should try it. We have even more things to enjoy outside of work than Utah :) ... [enter angry Utah native argument here] so more free time during the day would be enviable.
The point of the story is that good things sometimes come from thinking outside the box. I love when people take risks, break away from the norm, try new things... and then find that they are successful.
Doing things that worked for those before us will only get us as far as them.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Back in the Day
Suffering from a feeble memory, I remember very few things from my formative years. I like to think that the things I do remember are remembered for a reason, because they are important, and that's why I still keep them with me to this day.
Here are the few that stand out:
1. NEON, specifically, wearing sunglasses just like these:
Thank you Saved by the Bell.
2. Being embarassed by anything my mother did. Which is why I thought it was hillarious, not only that this picture below captured that feeling, but that Yahoo actually used it as a part of their marketing spiel.
Here he is, the happiest camper:
Here are the few that stand out:
1. NEON, specifically, wearing sunglasses just like these:
Thank you Saved by the Bell.
2. Being embarassed by anything my mother did. Which is why I thought it was hillarious, not only that this picture below captured that feeling, but that Yahoo actually used it as a part of their marketing spiel.
Here he is, the happiest camper:
Maybe its his grandmother. He still looks mortified.
3. Getting caught for doing stupid things, and then doing even stupider things to get into more trouble. Case in point: My mom always had strawberries plants in our backyard growing up. I used to get in trouble for picking them before they were ripe...
So my clever idea was to eat them off the stem without actually picking them. Genius. She'll never notice 18 half eaten green strawberries.
I also consequently learned at a young age that rules are all just wording. There's always a way around them. Maybe I missed my calling as a lawyer??
4. Our dog Taffy who's main life activities included pooping in the house, jumping up on every guest, and eating all the trash. He was the best.
And that about sums it up. I remember wearing ridiculous things because I thought they were cool, being embarassed by parents because I thought they were uncool, trying to be clever and thinking I knew it all, and putting crappy things on an undeserved pedestal just because I loved them.
Not much has changed, and I'm okay with that :)
Friday, October 9, 2009
Trimmers in the Night
For my Friday installment of 'In the News' I bring you: The perils of palm trimming.
http://cbs2.com/local/Tree.Trimmer.Stuck.2.1235761.html
As I was awaiting the preparation of my boss' mocha in the cafe, I turn to the TV to see
BREAKING NEWS
A man, trimming a tree, got stuck. Really? Did I just waste 27 seconds of my life reading that headline and watching the live rescue? How is that breaking news? Just because they have live feed? Guess the firefighters needed some positive PR.
Standard.
The real reason I bring up this story is ponder the fact that palm trees are trimmed. A visitor from Georgia once asked me how come some palm trees have "beards"
and some are "clean shaven"...
I've been living in Southern Cali for 25 years and I've never once thought about that. Since then, I have noticed it all around the city. I have not once, however, seen a person in the trees trimming them. Considering there is a palm tree on nearly every street here, I found that odd.
My only suggestion is that there is a little tree trimming bandit who operates by night. Like the Santa Claus of the garden world. Thankfully, the news dispelled that notion. :)
http://cbs2.com/local/Tree.Trimmer.Stuck.2.1235761.html
As I was awaiting the preparation of my boss' mocha in the cafe, I turn to the TV to see
BREAKING NEWS
A man, trimming a tree, got stuck. Really? Did I just waste 27 seconds of my life reading that headline and watching the live rescue? How is that breaking news? Just because they have live feed? Guess the firefighters needed some positive PR.
Standard.
The real reason I bring up this story is ponder the fact that palm trees are trimmed. A visitor from Georgia once asked me how come some palm trees have "beards"
and some are "clean shaven"...
I've been living in Southern Cali for 25 years and I've never once thought about that. Since then, I have noticed it all around the city. I have not once, however, seen a person in the trees trimming them. Considering there is a palm tree on nearly every street here, I found that odd.
My only suggestion is that there is a little tree trimming bandit who operates by night. Like the Santa Claus of the garden world. Thankfully, the news dispelled that notion. :)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Shortcutting and Risktaking
I had a can of soda. It was warm. I am impatient. I put it in the freezer.
About 20 minutes later I thought of going to get it. I was really thirsty, this soda was sounding more refreshing by the minute ... but I finally decided I thought it could use a little more time to chill to perfection.
I forgot about it. Of course, I forgot about it.
Two and a half hours later, I think to myself. Geez, I just drank that soda, how am I still so thirsty?!..."THE SODA!!!!"... I run into the kitchen. WHEW. It hadn't exploded yet, and to my pleasant surprise, was a few degrees away from being rock solid. I bring it back to my desk. I wait 5 minutes. I eyeball it. .. Maybe it's ready ... no, not yet....
I wait 2 minutes... ... ... then, I attempt to open it.
It sprays and spills everywhere. My computer's mouse is swimming in a puddle of fizzy lemon lime delight.
Couldn't say I was surprised. Back to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. I clean it up. I go to take a sip, the remaining soda in the can is frozen solid. Back to square one. I am so thirsty.
... ... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Why do people (clearly myself included) do things when they can already forsee the outcome? Maybe we tell ourselves, just maybe, it won't happen just the way we've experienced it in the past. Maybe this time will be different? It never is. We're all just searching for excuses to give in to temptation and do as we please without feeling guilt or remorse. Oh well, life certainly wouldn't be as exciting without a little risk-taking every now and again.
Live it up. Do as you please. I say, go out and take risks. Just make sure you take the right ones.
Audrey - 0
Soda Can - 1
About 20 minutes later I thought of going to get it. I was really thirsty, this soda was sounding more refreshing by the minute ... but I finally decided I thought it could use a little more time to chill to perfection.
I forgot about it. Of course, I forgot about it.
Two and a half hours later, I think to myself. Geez, I just drank that soda, how am I still so thirsty?!..."THE SODA!!!!"... I run into the kitchen. WHEW. It hadn't exploded yet, and to my pleasant surprise, was a few degrees away from being rock solid. I bring it back to my desk. I wait 5 minutes. I eyeball it. .. Maybe it's ready ... no, not yet....
I wait 2 minutes... ... ... then, I attempt to open it.
It sprays and spills everywhere. My computer's mouse is swimming in a puddle of fizzy lemon lime delight.
Couldn't say I was surprised. Back to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. I clean it up. I go to take a sip, the remaining soda in the can is frozen solid. Back to square one. I am so thirsty.
... ... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Why do people (clearly myself included) do things when they can already forsee the outcome? Maybe we tell ourselves, just maybe, it won't happen just the way we've experienced it in the past. Maybe this time will be different? It never is. We're all just searching for excuses to give in to temptation and do as we please without feeling guilt or remorse. Oh well, life certainly wouldn't be as exciting without a little risk-taking every now and again.
Live it up. Do as you please. I say, go out and take risks. Just make sure you take the right ones.
Audrey - 0
Soda Can - 1
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Things We Can Learn From Kids
1. Kids can sleep anywhere, anytime. It's awesome. Imagine how much sleep you'd catch up on and how much time you'd save taking power naps throughout your day. 16 minute carpool to work. Out. 3 minutes of TV commercials (for those who still actually watch live TV). Snoring. Waiting for your wife to finish getting ready. 26 minutes to dream of baseball. 59 minutes in board meetings. You get the idea...
2. Kids run EVERYWHERE. Not only is this more efficient in that it transports you to your destination much quicker, but it also saves you time at bothering with the 20 minute jog you were about to take before or after work. If the typical person ran everywhere, not only would they have tons more fun, I'm sure it would add up to miles. Less time next to uncle sweaty on the treadmill and more time with Mr.-whatever-you-do-in-your-free-time.
3. Kids can have fun doing anything. Being from California, I find myself at the beach or pool often, but I can only seem to last 1 - 2 hours before getting bored and going inside to do something else. Now I wonder what the heck I did for 9 hours at the beach when I was 10.... sandcastles....boogie boards... chasing seagulls... staring at the lifeguar... wait, no... Kids make up games, create fake friends, meet new friends ... they play with seaweed. Imaginations at wild.
4. Kids keep it real when it comes to food. Check out the kids menu at any restaurant. Hamburgers, french fries, cheese pizza, mac'n'cheese, bean burritos, some kind of animal-shaped chicken piece, spaghetti, and sometimes even peanut butter jelly sandies. Tell me what on that list you wouldn't eat? It's almost like kids broke it down to the lifetime basics and decided to just eat from there. Keeps the grocery list short, and makes things so much easier. Not to mention, kids could eat the same thing 8 meals in a row. Look at them little creatures of habit applying the concept of the assembly line to intake of their food! Again, so efficient.
5. Kids are honest. Brutally honest. Ask any mother and they have at least 1 story about the time their kids called someone out for being fat, disabled, ugly, smelly, having yellow teeth... Kids tell it like it is. No filter. The absolute purest of thoughts.
6. Kids are not afraid to get dirty. Jumping in puddles, playing with frogs, grass stains, dust, grease, bugs... Nothing to be afraid of, it all washes off. Ask a grown man when the last time was that he played in the mud. If he can even remember....
7. Kids get excited. Somewhere deep in the text of the manual of life, there is something that tells us that grown ups should tone down their emotions. What happens to the marvel? Tell me that a little part inside of you doesn't stop for a split second to think how much loose change you have handy when you hear the ice cream truck driving down the street... of course, then you decide against running outside for the sole fact that you would be the only one above 4'2" out there... but really, who would care?
The point of the matter is, adults are jaded. They give up, lose energy, get stuck in the grind, complain. They care what others think and let it rule their actions and reactions. I say, life is too short to not live as you want to.
Lucky charms and french fries for dinner.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Divorce, Grouper, and Cold Beer
Another installment of In the News! I found this little gem of a story:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090924/ap_on_go_ot/us_divorce_american_style
Wayne County, FL has topped the list for highest divorce rate. Here is their new slogan:
"We don't have that many people in the county, but evidently they get around."
Something to be proud of.
"A guy sitting next to Mortimer at the Ocean View bar finished his martini in a plastic cup. His chuckle nearly drowned out the Creedence Clearwater Revival song playing on the radio."
That quote was just for fun :)... and to point out that this entire story is based on an interview that someone conducted at a bar that serves drinks out of plastic cups. How do I get that job? (Ironically, the author's last name is Lush). More evidence to fuel my anti-media bonfire.
Back to relationships.
I think what it all really comes down to is that most people are not satisfied, or even ashamed, of their true selves so they try to fool new mates into thinking they are someone or something else. Then, months or years later, they are tired of pretending to be someone else, stop hitting the gym, the honeymoon phase is long gone, and the two don't even flinch when the other farts.
Ahhh the fart. The fart is the tell tale sign that your relationship has either reached the point of complete comfort, that the two of you truly are one soul in two bodies, and you can do no wrong...
...or a sign the two of you have already gone this long bitching to your friends about their stupidity, maybe you've cheated, and you've definitely hit the point of comfort where dragging this relationship on is just a toe nail sliver better than the agony of breaking up and starting the love game all over again with someone new. Eventually, these relationships end. One way or another, sometimes in divorce.
Human and society are slaves to the status quo. We are by nature pack animals. We observe, we aim to be accepted, and then we repeat what we observe. The same is true for any action, but especially the taboo topic of marriage and other tale-as-old-as-time institutions. Imagine being one of the first couples to get divorced in the 1950s. Bet those folks met a few hundred condescending glares. But, as time has shown, the more people that get divorced, the more common it becomes. Other people around you doing it takes the edge off the situation. That rush of relief, like seeing someone you know at a party full of strangers.
So maybe this is the case for poor Wayne County, FL, where people enjoy a "lifestyle so laid-back that every day is like a Jimmy Buffett lyric"... People are not ashamed of divorce because everyone else is doing it too. Or maybe there are simply too many temptations of attractive people living there that the residents just can't choose who they want? There must be some sort of correlation between the amount of pretty people in a city and its divorce rate. Who knows.
Well, here comes the "expert" testimony on the matter:
"It just doesn't make all that much sense," said Michael Jackson, an associate professor of psychology at Earlham College, a private university in Richmond. "We find it really questionable. It just sounds funny."
Bingo. Just the explanatory response I was hoping for. I'm glad that this Psych professor thinks it's funny. You could really apply his sentiments to anything. Brilliant reporting work. It's all about the context.
Moral of the story: Be yourself. Always. You'll want someone that loves you for you, not who you are pretending to be. Bring back the sanctity of marriage. It's a beautiful thing.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090924/ap_on_go_ot/us_divorce_american_style
Wayne County, FL has topped the list for highest divorce rate. Here is their new slogan:
"We don't have that many people in the county, but evidently they get around."
Something to be proud of.
"A guy sitting next to Mortimer at the Ocean View bar finished his martini in a plastic cup. His chuckle nearly drowned out the Creedence Clearwater Revival song playing on the radio."
That quote was just for fun :)... and to point out that this entire story is based on an interview that someone conducted at a bar that serves drinks out of plastic cups. How do I get that job? (Ironically, the author's last name is Lush). More evidence to fuel my anti-media bonfire.
Back to relationships.
I think what it all really comes down to is that most people are not satisfied, or even ashamed, of their true selves so they try to fool new mates into thinking they are someone or something else. Then, months or years later, they are tired of pretending to be someone else, stop hitting the gym, the honeymoon phase is long gone, and the two don't even flinch when the other farts.
Ahhh the fart. The fart is the tell tale sign that your relationship has either reached the point of complete comfort, that the two of you truly are one soul in two bodies, and you can do no wrong...
...or a sign the two of you have already gone this long bitching to your friends about their stupidity, maybe you've cheated, and you've definitely hit the point of comfort where dragging this relationship on is just a toe nail sliver better than the agony of breaking up and starting the love game all over again with someone new. Eventually, these relationships end. One way or another, sometimes in divorce.
Human and society are slaves to the status quo. We are by nature pack animals. We observe, we aim to be accepted, and then we repeat what we observe. The same is true for any action, but especially the taboo topic of marriage and other tale-as-old-as-time institutions. Imagine being one of the first couples to get divorced in the 1950s. Bet those folks met a few hundred condescending glares. But, as time has shown, the more people that get divorced, the more common it becomes. Other people around you doing it takes the edge off the situation. That rush of relief, like seeing someone you know at a party full of strangers.
So maybe this is the case for poor Wayne County, FL, where people enjoy a "lifestyle so laid-back that every day is like a Jimmy Buffett lyric"... People are not ashamed of divorce because everyone else is doing it too. Or maybe there are simply too many temptations of attractive people living there that the residents just can't choose who they want? There must be some sort of correlation between the amount of pretty people in a city and its divorce rate. Who knows.
Well, here comes the "expert" testimony on the matter:
"It just doesn't make all that much sense," said Michael Jackson, an associate professor of psychology at Earlham College, a private university in Richmond. "We find it really questionable. It just sounds funny."
Bingo. Just the explanatory response I was hoping for. I'm glad that this Psych professor thinks it's funny. You could really apply his sentiments to anything. Brilliant reporting work. It's all about the context.
Moral of the story: Be yourself. Always. You'll want someone that loves you for you, not who you are pretending to be. Bring back the sanctity of marriage. It's a beautiful thing.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Bad Manners
When did it become trendy to be so rude? I guess it just became more acceptable, and then it became the trend. Almost on a daily basis, I go out of my way to do something for someone that doesn't directly service myself, and at least 75% of the time I don't even get a "thank you" back. I've heard similar stories from others too.
Are people really that thoughtless? Do they forget? Didn't they have a mother that would grab them by the ear and march them... oh wait, that's probably just my mother that did that...
Weren't they ever taught manners by some elder in their lives?? Maybe the older generations are to blame for enabling it.
Or maybe, I'm just becoming that old woman who is bitter about the "kids these days"... but then again, it's a lot of adults acting this way too.
Anyway I look at it, I'm convinced that the majority of people alive today are s*#t heads.
It's easier to be selfish. Every man for himself, I know, I get it, I'm guilty of it myself sometimes. Oh America, the downward spiral continues... Democracy breeds individualization and as a result comes egotism. People love personalizing every aspect of their lives. That is why it is great to be an American! We can revel in the endless amount of options we have.
There comes a time, however, when this self-serving behavior becomes detrimental to society. If everyone is independently working to advance their own agendas, everything becomes disjointed, unorganized, and inefficient. Together Everyone Accomplishes More! (I just read that somewhere, thought it was clever... I know it's cheesy)...
I'm not suggesting that we all need to hold hands and sing Welcome Christmas like the Whovillians. I'm just saying that life would get along a lot smoother if people would just stop to take the time to practice good manners and appreciate when others make their lives easier. Say 'Please' and 'Thank You', bring someone their favorite candy, let people merge into the lane in front of you on the freeway, send greeting cards to friends and family just because, chew with your mouth closed, say 'Hello' when you walk past people, look people in the eye when you're talking to them...
Don't treat everyone the way you'd want to be treated. Treat everyone the way you'd want them to treat your grandmother. (:))
Are people really that thoughtless? Do they forget? Didn't they have a mother that would grab them by the ear and march them... oh wait, that's probably just my mother that did that...
Weren't they ever taught manners by some elder in their lives?? Maybe the older generations are to blame for enabling it.
Or maybe, I'm just becoming that old woman who is bitter about the "kids these days"... but then again, it's a lot of adults acting this way too.
Anyway I look at it, I'm convinced that the majority of people alive today are s*#t heads.
It's easier to be selfish. Every man for himself, I know, I get it, I'm guilty of it myself sometimes. Oh America, the downward spiral continues... Democracy breeds individualization and as a result comes egotism. People love personalizing every aspect of their lives. That is why it is great to be an American! We can revel in the endless amount of options we have.
There comes a time, however, when this self-serving behavior becomes detrimental to society. If everyone is independently working to advance their own agendas, everything becomes disjointed, unorganized, and inefficient. Together Everyone Accomplishes More! (I just read that somewhere, thought it was clever... I know it's cheesy)...
I'm not suggesting that we all need to hold hands and sing Welcome Christmas like the Whovillians. I'm just saying that life would get along a lot smoother if people would just stop to take the time to practice good manners and appreciate when others make their lives easier. Say 'Please' and 'Thank You', bring someone their favorite candy, let people merge into the lane in front of you on the freeway, send greeting cards to friends and family just because, chew with your mouth closed, say 'Hello' when you walk past people, look people in the eye when you're talking to them...
Don't treat everyone the way you'd want to be treated. Treat everyone the way you'd want them to treat your grandmother. (:))
Thursday, September 24, 2009
ATTN: Deficit Disorder
Generally, I think living the life of a (self-proclaimed) A.D.D. maniac is fun and exciting. But often, the unavoidable multi-tasking lifestyle becomes hectic and overwhelming. So much so, that sometimes when there is too little going on, I am less productive and effcient.
The great thing about this also, is that it helps me hone in on my mental state. For instance, today. I sit down at my desk. Pull out my task list... wow it goes all the way to the bottom of the sheet today. Damn...there's more. Turn to page two. Ok, ok. Today calls for an 8am iPod sesh. I pull out my Pod. Put in my ear buds. Oh wait, my boss comes by, ... 10 minutes of chatting later. I open my Outlook, open my documents, check my calendar for the day. 8:38 AM. Damn the iPod cord is getting in the way... ughm... iPod has yet to have been powered on. I've been sitting in silence for the past hour, with my ear phones in, and nothing playing. Distractions are my best and worst friend.
This event happens every couple weeks. It actually makes me laugh just thinking about it. Sometimes I catch it in 5 minutes, sometimes it's an hour. Sometimes the iPod dies because it was low on batteries and I don't even notice. This, my friends, is the point of burn out. It's a reminder that my multi-tasking has hit the point futility. I slow things down. I laugh about it. I regain focus.
Literally and actually listening to a powered off iPod.
"I wish I had something to occupy that empty mental space"
BAM!
Here comes online Sudoku! No, wait, that's not work related....
Here comes the iPod! Endless playlists of music in a small portable device. Very A.D.D. friendly.
At work, I listen to it to keep my brain focused. If all goes according to plan, I'm pumping through spreadsheets and the only pause in my day is the monster growling in my tummy (ready for lunch!) and seeing the bottom of my coffee cup (am I on my third or fourth cup?...).
The great thing about this also, is that it helps me hone in on my mental state. For instance, today. I sit down at my desk. Pull out my task list... wow it goes all the way to the bottom of the sheet today. Damn...there's more. Turn to page two. Ok, ok. Today calls for an 8am iPod sesh. I pull out my Pod. Put in my ear buds. Oh wait, my boss comes by, ... 10 minutes of chatting later. I open my Outlook, open my documents, check my calendar for the day. 8:38 AM. Damn the iPod cord is getting in the way... ughm... iPod has yet to have been powered on. I've been sitting in silence for the past hour, with my ear phones in, and nothing playing. Distractions are my best and worst friend.
This event happens every couple weeks. It actually makes me laugh just thinking about it. Sometimes I catch it in 5 minutes, sometimes it's an hour. Sometimes the iPod dies because it was low on batteries and I don't even notice. This, my friends, is the point of burn out. It's a reminder that my multi-tasking has hit the point futility. I slow things down. I laugh about it. I regain focus.
Literally and actually listening to a powered off iPod.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Photo of the Day
I'm having one of my mini-meltdowns on personal appearance. I'm not sure that everyone experiences this, but I'm talking about those times every couple of months or so where you realize that you've "let yourself go" to some extent. You stopped styling your hair, you wear slighty wrinkled clothes, the scuff on your shoe just doesn't really matter, .... I haven't painted my toe nails in 6 weeks. Somewhat equivalent to a superficial rock bottom. I'm from Southern California. Enough said. 
Anyway, on a mission to find the next big improvement mechanism, I was scouring Google images for a picture of my next hair cut and I came across this gem of a photo.
How can you look at that and not smile? It makes me so happy.
How can you look at that and not smile? It makes me so happy.
There are so many subtle and simple expressions of humor and beauty on this earth. It's almost like stopping to smell the roses.
Be thankful for who you are, be thankful for what you have, and most of all, stop to enjoy things before they pass you by.
Be thankful for who you are, be thankful for what you have, and most of all, stop to enjoy things before they pass you by.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Chicken Feet
In the news today: China gets its chicken feet from America.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/16/business/global/16chickens.html
The global trade market never ceases to amaze me. One man's trash really is another's treasure. Every market demand is different, mainly in part because it can be. International travel has not only facilitated this, it has also opened the opportunity for less wasteful behaviors. Chicken feet in America sell for loose change, but in China they could be considered a delicacy.
“We have these jumbo, juicy paws the Chinese really love,” said Paul W. Aho, a poultry economist and consultant, “so I don’t think they are going to cut us off.”
There is a person, whose sole responsibility in his career is poultry economics. Awesome.
What I want to know is, who was the first person to eat a chicken foot and decide it was delicious? That Evel Knievelish Chinese bad boy had about 10% chance of scrumptiousness, with a 65% chance of the scales and talons getting lodged in their esophagus. Quite the feat.
Living in this day and age, we are blessed that all those who came before us have already tried and determined what is good to consume. Imagine being a barbarian and finding out (the hard way) that shark cartilage and palm fronds are not edible? I suppose that's why we've also been given the gift olfactory senses, so that if someone is perilous enought to disregard those instincts so be it.... but in the truest sense of Darwinism, idiots will never prevail.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/16/business/global/16chickens.html
The global trade market never ceases to amaze me. One man's trash really is another's treasure. Every market demand is different, mainly in part because it can be. International travel has not only facilitated this, it has also opened the opportunity for less wasteful behaviors. Chicken feet in America sell for loose change, but in China they could be considered a delicacy.
“We have these jumbo, juicy paws the Chinese really love,” said Paul W. Aho, a poultry economist and consultant, “so I don’t think they are going to cut us off.”
There is a person, whose sole responsibility in his career is poultry economics. Awesome.
What I want to know is, who was the first person to eat a chicken foot and decide it was delicious? That Evel Knievelish Chinese bad boy had about 10% chance of scrumptiousness, with a 65% chance of the scales and talons getting lodged in their esophagus. Quite the feat.
Living in this day and age, we are blessed that all those who came before us have already tried and determined what is good to consume. Imagine being a barbarian and finding out (the hard way) that shark cartilage and palm fronds are not edible? I suppose that's why we've also been given the gift olfactory senses, so that if someone is perilous enought to disregard those instincts so be it.... but in the truest sense of Darwinism, idiots will never prevail.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Quality Control
Why don't they make quality products like they used to? Think about the indestructibility of paper clips, bobby pins, silver ware, tupperware...tractors. Seriously, these things last forever. My mom has a mixing bowl that I swear she's had for at least 30 years.
I saw a commercial the other day for Stride gum (that was actually really funny, people in kilts punching the guy... I digress). Their marketing niche is long lasting flavor. So naturally their ad campaigns suggest that the flavor lasts so long that they are losing money because people chew the gum for so long and don't buy new packs. That's a pretty good angle. It also brings to light the fact that there is no business sense in creating a good, quality, long lasting product. Similar to the concept of all iPods mysteriously breaking around the 2 year mark... or my conspiracy against Chaptstick making your lips drier so you'll use more of it. Genius. The marketing atmosphere is reminiscent of cigarettes and nicotine.
When does doing the best job you can become superseded by making the most money from it?
What about the products that have been around forever without any recent development? Clearly, these products were well thought out, created with care, and good enough to beat the competition and remain profitable. Elmer's Glue. Cracker Jacks. Shoe Polish. Crayons. Not one thing has changed about the Crayon since the addition of the Mac N Cheese color in 1982. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Literally and actually, using Elmer's Glue.
I saw a commercial the other day for Stride gum (that was actually really funny, people in kilts punching the guy... I digress). Their marketing niche is long lasting flavor. So naturally their ad campaigns suggest that the flavor lasts so long that they are losing money because people chew the gum for so long and don't buy new packs. That's a pretty good angle. It also brings to light the fact that there is no business sense in creating a good, quality, long lasting product. Similar to the concept of all iPods mysteriously breaking around the 2 year mark... or my conspiracy against Chaptstick making your lips drier so you'll use more of it. Genius. The marketing atmosphere is reminiscent of cigarettes and nicotine.
When does doing the best job you can become superseded by making the most money from it?
What about the products that have been around forever without any recent development? Clearly, these products were well thought out, created with care, and good enough to beat the competition and remain profitable. Elmer's Glue. Cracker Jacks. Shoe Polish. Crayons. Not one thing has changed about the Crayon since the addition of the Mac N Cheese color in 1982. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Literally and actually, using Elmer's Glue.
Monday, September 14, 2009
"I'm gonna Google it"
I've been deemed the nickname "Google" because I am the trivia master. No, I don't know everything, and I don't care to. But I usually encounter questions throughout the day that intrigue me. They become the "Google Topic of the Day" and I look up the answer. And though I cannot remember that I left my toast in the toaster or the plans I committed to this weekend, I know that black widow spiders create sporadic web patterns and that FDR is on the US dime. Unfortunately for me, the only benefit this really has is being a bad ass board game player. Humph. Oh well. Life goes on :)
Today's Google topic was in regards to the question: Do cows sweat, and if so, how?
Answer: Yes, from their noses. (Dogs and cats, consequently, sweat from their paws, and reptiles cannot sweat at all.)
In the research process I also found a website that detailed the following completely random and enlightening animal facts (I'm not sure how accurate these are, but they certainly will add a few thoughts to the pondering pond):
1. Cows can have regional accents.
2. A domestic cat can frighten a black bear to climb a tree.
3. In a fight between a polar bear and a lion, the polar bear would win.
4. US Secret Service sniffer dogs are put up in five-star hotels during overseas presidential visits.
5. Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
6. Bulls are color blind.
7. A cow's only sweat glands are in its nose.
8. Mosquitoes have 47 teeth.
9. The Poison Arrow frog has enough poison to kill 2,200 people.
10. Emus can't walk backwards.
11. A group of unicorns is called a blessing, kangaroos a mob, owls a parliament, ravens a murder, bears a sleuth, and twelve or more cows are called a flink.
12. A baby oyster is called a spat.
13. An elephant can be pregnant for up to 2 years.
14. Chickens can't swallow while they are upside down.
15. The average garden-variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.
16. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
17. A mule won't sink in quicksand but a donkey will.
18. More people are killed annually by donkeys than in airplane crashes.
19. Animal breeders in Russia once claimed to have bred sheep with blue wool.
20. Penguins are the only bird that can leap into the air like porpoises.
21. India has 50 million monkeys.
22. By some unknown means, an iguana can end its own life.
23. Americans spend around $3 billion for cat and dog food a year.
24. Pigs can cover a mile in 7.5 minutes when running at top speed.
25. The shell constitutes 12 percent of an egg's weight.
26. A squid has 10 tentacles.
27. A snail's reproductive organs are in its head.
28. When a horned toad is angry, it squirts blood from its eyes.
29. The typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year.
30. The ostrich has a 46-foot long small intestine.
31. A scallop has 35 blue eyes.
32. The left leg of a chicken in more tender than the right one.
33. The only dog that doesn't have a pink tongue is the chow.
34. Dogs and humans are the only animals with prostates.
35. The giraffe has the highest blood pressure of any animal.
36. Zebras can't see the color orange.
37. There are more insects in ten square feet of a rain forest than there are people in Manhattan. 38. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
39. The smartest dogs are the Jack Russell Terrier and Scottish Border collie. Dumbest: Afgan hound.
40. A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
41. A 'zebdonk' is a cross between a Burchell's zebra and a donkey. Other names for a zebdonk include zonkey, zebrass, and zorse.
That oughta keep ya occupied until my next Google topic.
Today's Google topic was in regards to the question: Do cows sweat, and if so, how?
Answer: Yes, from their noses. (Dogs and cats, consequently, sweat from their paws, and reptiles cannot sweat at all.)
In the research process I also found a website that detailed the following completely random and enlightening animal facts (I'm not sure how accurate these are, but they certainly will add a few thoughts to the pondering pond):
1. Cows can have regional accents.
2. A domestic cat can frighten a black bear to climb a tree.
3. In a fight between a polar bear and a lion, the polar bear would win.
4. US Secret Service sniffer dogs are put up in five-star hotels during overseas presidential visits.
5. Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
6. Bulls are color blind.
7. A cow's only sweat glands are in its nose.
8. Mosquitoes have 47 teeth.
9. The Poison Arrow frog has enough poison to kill 2,200 people.
10. Emus can't walk backwards.
11. A group of unicorns is called a blessing, kangaroos a mob, owls a parliament, ravens a murder, bears a sleuth, and twelve or more cows are called a flink.
12. A baby oyster is called a spat.
13. An elephant can be pregnant for up to 2 years.
14. Chickens can't swallow while they are upside down.
15. The average garden-variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.
16. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
17. A mule won't sink in quicksand but a donkey will.
18. More people are killed annually by donkeys than in airplane crashes.
19. Animal breeders in Russia once claimed to have bred sheep with blue wool.
20. Penguins are the only bird that can leap into the air like porpoises.
21. India has 50 million monkeys.
22. By some unknown means, an iguana can end its own life.
23. Americans spend around $3 billion for cat and dog food a year.
24. Pigs can cover a mile in 7.5 minutes when running at top speed.
25. The shell constitutes 12 percent of an egg's weight.
26. A squid has 10 tentacles.
27. A snail's reproductive organs are in its head.
28. When a horned toad is angry, it squirts blood from its eyes.
29. The typical hen lays 19 dozen eggs a year.
30. The ostrich has a 46-foot long small intestine.
31. A scallop has 35 blue eyes.
32. The left leg of a chicken in more tender than the right one.
33. The only dog that doesn't have a pink tongue is the chow.
34. Dogs and humans are the only animals with prostates.
35. The giraffe has the highest blood pressure of any animal.
36. Zebras can't see the color orange.
37. There are more insects in ten square feet of a rain forest than there are people in Manhattan. 38. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
39. The smartest dogs are the Jack Russell Terrier and Scottish Border collie. Dumbest: Afgan hound.
40. A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
41. A 'zebdonk' is a cross between a Burchell's zebra and a donkey. Other names for a zebdonk include zonkey, zebrass, and zorse.
That oughta keep ya occupied until my next Google topic.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Bacon! In the News...
I decided today that I am going to do a weekly segment called "In the News"...
Ever since I studied media communications in college, I have had a fervent disdain for almost all media, particularly, the news. Agenda setting, sensationalism, slants... I could go on for paragraphs on all the ways the public is affected by biases in the media.
As much as I try, there are still outlets and circumstances in which I cannot avoid the regurgitation of communication they call the "news"... So I proceed skeptically with caution and knowledge and do my best to take it lightly. For example, online, I find myself running into news when logging into various websites and email inboxes. My favorite is Yahoo news, for the sole reason that they pick the most random and interesting stories to spolight, from the most frivolous and auspicious writers.
Today's headliner:
World's oldest person dies in Los Angeles at 115
Ok, I have to admit, that is pretty cool. I continue reading the subheader:
Gertrude Baines celebrated her last birthday with a letter from Obama and a visit from Guinness. >>Her Diet
Wow! She's knows the President? They are going to tell me what to eat so I can live to be that old??! I was intrigued, so I clicked on the arcticle, only to find the amusement that inspired this blog:
Staff at Baines' nursing home described her as a modest woman who liked to watch the "Jerry Springer Show" and eat fried chicken, bacon and ice cream. She refused to use dentures.
This is so delightful. I read this and I can really only smile. I ♥ the news.
Ever since I studied media communications in college, I have had a fervent disdain for almost all media, particularly, the news. Agenda setting, sensationalism, slants... I could go on for paragraphs on all the ways the public is affected by biases in the media.
As much as I try, there are still outlets and circumstances in which I cannot avoid the regurgitation of communication they call the "news"... So I proceed skeptically with caution and knowledge and do my best to take it lightly. For example, online, I find myself running into news when logging into various websites and email inboxes. My favorite is Yahoo news, for the sole reason that they pick the most random and interesting stories to spolight, from the most frivolous and auspicious writers.
Today's headliner:
World's oldest person dies in Los Angeles at 115
Ok, I have to admit, that is pretty cool. I continue reading the subheader:
Gertrude Baines celebrated her last birthday with a letter from Obama and a visit from Guinness. >>Her Diet
Wow! She's knows the President? They are going to tell me what to eat so I can live to be that old??! I was intrigued, so I clicked on the arcticle, only to find the amusement that inspired this blog:
Staff at Baines' nursing home described her as a modest woman who liked to watch the "Jerry Springer Show" and eat fried chicken, bacon and ice cream. She refused to use dentures.
This is so delightful. I read this and I can really only smile. I ♥ the news.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Gummy Worms For Breakfast
I often live by the mantra that if you feel like doing something, you should do it. Obviously, some things are easier than others, for example, eating junk food for breakfast. I read in a book somewhere that it is ok to be different if you are either having more fun that way, or doing something more efficiently that way. Well I say, eating gummy worms for breakfast today was certainly more fun than eating my regular sugar-free cinnamon spice oatmeal.
It is easy enough to make a bold decision regarding breakfast, seeing as you eat it everyday, and little is risked in the process. But what about dressing how you want, instead of dressing to impress others? My favorite thing at the office is casual Fridays, because it gives that little glimpse into other people's lives. After all, you can tell a lot about a person by their casual collections... What about packing up and moving across country... or to another country on a whim? What about chasing your dreams?? I think I've maxed out on my personal threshold of settling for mediocre.
Literally and actually, gummy worms for breakfast.
It is easy enough to make a bold decision regarding breakfast, seeing as you eat it everyday, and little is risked in the process. But what about dressing how you want, instead of dressing to impress others? My favorite thing at the office is casual Fridays, because it gives that little glimpse into other people's lives. After all, you can tell a lot about a person by their casual collections... What about packing up and moving across country... or to another country on a whim? What about chasing your dreams?? I think I've maxed out on my personal threshold of settling for mediocre.
Literally and actually, gummy worms for breakfast.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Going Green
My roommate sold me on the use of aluminum water bottles (aka the Sigg) only to find out recently that the liner in the bottles contains traces of BPA that leach into the liquid inside the water bottles. Aluminum water bottles are supposed to replace the ever popular plastic Nalgene bottles because... they contained traces of BPA that leached into the water. Ironic, isn't it?
So I continued to think about the concept of "going green" and thought of the following notions to ponder.
1. Plastic grocery store bags. Is it bad to use them if you recycle them for various other home projects, not excluding my favorite use as dog poopy bags.... ? Canvas bags are better for the environment? It's a conspiracy. Somewhere "Ralph" or Mr. Trader "Joe" is sitting at his desk made of rich mahogany thinking that he could save X amount of dollars if he could stop giving grocery bags away for free. After all, the best way to convince someone to do something is to make them think it is their own idea, and is based on some philanthropic cause.
2. Recyclables, paper, glass, and plastic. Ok, you recycle them, a portion of them is reused ... the "post consumer waste" label you see on your Starbucks cup? Ya. Great. High five. But then you are just placing values on resources. Did you not waste a quart to a gallon of water cleaning/washing out the jar of jelly before you threw it in your bin? Of course you did, you don't want that funky smell or pesky little ants. Just think of how much water is spent on that peanut butter jar...
Random thought: why aren't yogurt containers recyclable?
Just some things to get you thinking. Not to be negative, but there is always a downside to everything. Think about what you're doing from all angles before you make a decision. Not everything that other people are doing always makes sense.
So I continued to think about the concept of "going green" and thought of the following notions to ponder.
1. Plastic grocery store bags. Is it bad to use them if you recycle them for various other home projects, not excluding my favorite use as dog poopy bags.... ? Canvas bags are better for the environment? It's a conspiracy. Somewhere "Ralph" or Mr. Trader "Joe" is sitting at his desk made of rich mahogany thinking that he could save X amount of dollars if he could stop giving grocery bags away for free. After all, the best way to convince someone to do something is to make them think it is their own idea, and is based on some philanthropic cause.
2. Recyclables, paper, glass, and plastic. Ok, you recycle them, a portion of them is reused ... the "post consumer waste" label you see on your Starbucks cup? Ya. Great. High five. But then you are just placing values on resources. Did you not waste a quart to a gallon of water cleaning/washing out the jar of jelly before you threw it in your bin? Of course you did, you don't want that funky smell or pesky little ants. Just think of how much water is spent on that peanut butter jar...
Random thought: why aren't yogurt containers recyclable?
Just some things to get you thinking. Not to be negative, but there is always a downside to everything. Think about what you're doing from all angles before you make a decision. Not everything that other people are doing always makes sense.
Friday, September 4, 2009
WELCOME ME! I'm so great.
So, this is my first post.
I oughta...
... myself.
I oughta...
... myself.
....For those of you who are wondering what vanity means: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vanity ....
You're welcome.
Anyway, this blog is my meager attempt to:
Anyway, this blog is my meager attempt to:
1. Stay sane (YOU try working 9+ hours a day with ADD)
2. Bring joy to people by showing them that life is way too short to take things too seriously and that there is A LOT of funny crap in the world, and of course
3. Make myself feel better by applying my creativity to at least one (granted, probably one few will see) outlet
Thank you for your time and enjoy! :)
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