Food Solicitation

Food is no novel thing. There are 2900 variations of the same product. Which is why food has some of the most aggressive marketing out there. And it works. Say you have a brand new cereal to introduce to the market. It's chocolatey, it's in pebble form, it's got a strikingly similar resemblance to Count Chocula's Cocoa Pebbles. How then, do you differentiate your product so that Suzy Soccer Mom picks your brand over the Count?

The 4 P's my friend. Peter Piper Picked a... oh wait no, the four P's of marketing: Product, Price, Promotion, and Place. These four words are the core to any marketing plan. Once you've scoured over the options, you're sure to corner a profitable market somewhere or somehow.

So your cereal, it's not a new product on the market. There goes the Product P. Price? Well, we're in this to make money. Like Kanye says, we are not working this hard to drive a Rav4. Dream big(ger). Not to mention that the generic market has this covered - they skimp on advertising so they can afford to lower price. So price cutting is out. Place. Well, cereal is sold everywhere and is eaten by the vast majority. Maybe we could market stronger in towns that have more children? Kids love chocolate sugary crap. Maybe, in stores that have traditionally more family based shoppers? That might work. Still not enough of an edge.

This is where most people end up. Aggressive and sometimes shameless (think Speidi and the balloon boy) Promotion. Although the FCC regulates advertising communication to some extent, that only protects the average person from blatant fallacious expressions. When it comes down to it, companies are free to put whatever claims they want on whatever type of packaging they choose, with minimal proof to back it up. Shoppers beware, if you care that you choices are being made for you.

The glitter and flashing lights accost me everytime I walk down the grocery aisle. Bright colors, big pictures (of what the food doesn't really look like inside), cartoons, exclamations, reasons to buy... etc. The average shopper, on an item that is unknown to them, is going to default to price, then appearance. Think of wine. You know you like merlot, but not really sure which brand? You go label. That's how I found my favorite Chianti, it had a picture of a knight on a horse. Reminded me of Cable Guy and Medieval Times restaurant. I buy it every time I buy Chianti.

But the trickery doesn't stop there.

The other day I was eating candy and I look at the packaging and was delighted to find that they were of the utmost standard, GOURMET, written right there, across the top so it must be true... I got them at the dollar store...

Gourmet, defined: "to involve high-quality or exotic ingredients and skilled preparation"

I guess the "high" in high fructose corn syrup stands for "high quality." Fancy.

Then comes the biggest farce of them all. The "fun" size. Why are small things more fun?
Little nuggets of bite size goodness.

Fun size. Mini bites. Things are more fun when they are small. You can eat more of them without feeling like a fat ass is more like it. It's the cognitive dissonance between gluttony and "it's only a mini bite."

(FYI, "Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously.")

So you hire an illustrator to draw you up his best chocolate pebble loving cartoon character, slap a "4 Real wholesome grains" exclamation bubble on the box, and post it up on the shelf next to Corny O's Wagon Wheels and wait for the shoppers to make it rain.

Signed,
An accepting victim of the food advertisement conspiracy/
Co-Founder of Uncle Krusty's Cocoa Rice Magic Bites

Oh, the view from the soap box is so great.