Failure

What do you do when you fail like this?

All the pressure is on and everyone is counting on you, the task seems easy enough, it's something you do almost daily... then you choke? Epically? Especially when you're part of a team and you let them down. You feel worthless, like the silent 'P' in raspberry or like the random usage of 'U' in English english (eg. behaviour - ya, we don't really need you after all U).

So, two things come to light with this:
1. Sometimes the easiest skills are taken for granted thus increasing chance of failure. It's when you take your focus off the task at hand or think "I got this, psht" that things go awry. Even the simplest of tasks require our thought and devotion.

2. Humans become dogs when in groups. Psychology Today explains that the need for status drives humans and that we all strive to achieve status. Competition, then, becomes a constant struggle to achieve the top status (or the Alpha dog). This is why packs get energized at the win, and individual members get frantically melancholy at their flubs. Losing our status threatens the innermost part of our being.

How do we avoid failure then? Focus up. You never have to struggle over power if you take small careful steps to insure your success (even in the mundane things you do!). :)

Economics for the Eco-nomics

Today a man asked me to rate his cologne. This was a bad move on his part not knowing 1 - I have a freakishly excellent sense of smell and 2 - am brutally honest. It was Abercrombie cologne. He was a grown man. I told him it registered about a 2 on my scale of pleasing smells and reminded me of teenage boys (at least I was honest?). I told him that few things are as irritatingly intoxicating as Abercrombie cologne. It doesn't smell bad, it's just noxious... like gasoline or paint, which is why you always leave that store a little lightheaded. He proceeded to ask for my phone number anyway. (In case you saw through his ploy like I did and were wondering...)

Back to smells. On the other end of the scale, however, are French fries, quite possibly one of the best smells/foods on earth (or at least they rank high in my meager, yet hungry opinion). French fries were in the news today. A story about Wendy's recreating their french fries to appeal to an increasingly "naturally" inclined food market.

"Natural," as they call it, simply means ingredients (more) resembling food - like the little plastic fruits they use for photographs and kids toys. It doesn't mean 'coming from earth'....

Unfortunately, the common consumer is fooled by this ploy, kind of like people who eat bagels and drink juice and think they are being healthy - I digress - that is a whole other blog in itself.

Well, what did Wendy's change you ask? They left the skins on (cha-ching$), cut the fries smaller (cha-ching$$), and started using sea salt (cha-chingering$$$). Not only did the marketing team finally catch on to the "natural" foods craze (Jack in the Box started this natural cut fry phenomenon a few years back...), but they found a way to make it profitable for them. Skins on means less production pealing them, smaller fries means more volume at a lower cost, and using sea salt means they get the same salt just with a fancier (and thus more valuable in the consumers mind) title. They are in no way healthier (in fact, they have even more calories and sodium than before), yet will be marketed as they are.

What Wendy's didn't think about is how the average Wendy's customer (inset left... is that bad? you know I'm right) probably isn't sitting in the drive thru thinking about whole foods and what type of vegetables are really in vegetable oil... (fyi, it's usually soybean) - which really just renders their entire campaign moot.

However, the silver lining is in the fact that the fast food companies are finally noticing the trend toward healthier, more wholesome foods. It may be one small step for profits - but its one giant leap for Skinny Bitches (like me). I've recently taken to the hype/common sense of eating food that is organic, humanely treated, and wholesome. A tricky predicament in our syrup laden culture... but lucky for me, and lucky for us, the green machine has been rearing to go for nearly two decades and in light of America's dim health outlook, the foundation has been put into place:

People want healthier food (demand) and it is profitable to cater to them (supply).

I've hit another all time low...

From time to time Yahoo snoops in on what I'm searching for or browsing on the internet and tailors the ads that appear in my mail screen to my "interests"... today I searched 'Geek' and here is what just appeared today (right side banner of image below):


Awesome.

He's a Shoe In

There are two type of people in this world: ones that keep their converse clean and ones that trudge through the mud in them at Coachella and wear them again the next day.

The way I see it people with dirty Converse take pride in their own practicality and their liking of shoes as shoes rather than a fashion trend (or they're like me and just too lazy to clean shoes). People who keep their Chucks clean use their shoes as a message to the world that they can color coordinate their clothes and shoes (or maybe they're new) (or maybe they never do anything fun). Or so it seems.

So then I assert, the old talk about how a person's shoes are telling of details about them, holds true.

Case in Point (A): The girl with heels on - all the time. I'm not talking the nice dinner out with modest sling backs or stillettos for for a night on the town. I'm talking the girl who wears pumps and platforms to baseball games, the grocery store, and places like the zoo. The girl who doesn't even own sneakers, flip flops, or (the unspeakable) ballet flats. Chances are this girl is a girly girl, is really short, or is just purely impractical. I might even go as far as to say high maintenance...[insert objection here]. On the positive side, at least you get to watch her fall more often than the average person. And everyone agrees, falling = funny.

Case in Point (B): The guy who wears house shoes, slippers, Vans, Toms, or flip flops to places other than the beach or inside his house. The guy with a shirt on that looks like he's slept in it for 2 weeks and a mustard stain on his left knee. He's sloppy, doesn't think shoes matter, or is too lazy to shop for "real shoes." Ok, yes, they're probably more comfortable and the slip on saves you 113 minutes a year the average person spends tying shoe laces... but don't you care that people are judging you? Unless you're Hugh Hefner, put a proper sneaker on son.

Case in Point (C): Crocs. These abominations of the shoe race are acceptable in 2 (read: 2 only) situations - kids under 6 and people that are gardening. One step above jelly sandals of the 1990s, Crocs are the hippie love child of Teva "active" shoes and neon foam tourist shop flip flops. I cringe when I see these things out in public and can't imagine how a shoe so distasteful could become such an epidemic (channeling Malcom Gladwell's The Tipping Point).

Anyway, it all makes no difference to me what shoes you're wearing. The point is, people notice and make assumptions about you by your shoes. So take the time to ponder what your shoes say about you...

Old lady velcro sneaks out.

Things I Don't Understand

I've compiled a short list of things I just have trouble understanding:

1. Kaleidoscopes. Clearly a fruit of the 1970's psychedelic time warp, but seriously, what the heck are these things? I once met a lady and her husband who's sole job is to create kaleidoscopes and stained glass. How can there be a business in this? If someone put that much time and effort into producing something practical, the world would certainly be a much better place. Third world countries are in need of clean water and shoes, and here are the Americans making intricate toys out of multi-colored glass. It just doesn't seem right...

2. Negative dispositions. Some people are just the stereotypical "glass is half empty" type of people. They wake up on rainy days and grumble about the rain. They get their coats stuck in the door and furrow their brow and sigh whilst violently tugging at it. They wonder why bad things always happen to them. They complain. Constantly. To their defense, most of them were raised that way and learned the behavior from their parents. Plus, their place in the world helps others to prepare for the worst and I admit, there is some value to that. However, as the half empties can probably attest, it is a terrible way to go through life - always focusing on the negative. It brings the positive people down, slowly draining them of all things happy (like Dementors). I just don't understand it. Unnecessary.

3. Leashes for children. I know, at least one of you out there reading this is a leash kid. You know what I mean, the fluffy, animal-shaped backpack looking things that are cleverly disguised vehicles of shame. Not only are these embarrassments to the establishment of parenthood, but they shed light on a deeper issue of Americanism: laziness. In my opinion, if you can't keep track of your kid, then you shouldn't take them to places where you might lose them. These are children people, not pets, and should be raised accordingly. Maybe eventually they'll make a Baby Bjorn big enough for toddlers...

4. The allure of pine cologne. While driving on the freeway today I smelled the unmistakable pungency of pine. I have no idea where it was coming from, but as it seeped into my car's interior, I couldn't help but think of how unappealing it is. I just can't explain it. About the only time I am okay with this scent is when they are packaging up my Christmas tree at the tree lot. What possesses some men to spray this all over themselves? This phenomenon is quite similar to the women's perfumes and accessories that smell like baked goods - just completely unnecessary.

Memory and Emotion

I always wonder why I remember seemingly unimportant things - like the Miss Mary Mack patty cake rhyme from when I was 7 - and forget very important things - like that I had a mandatory meeting at 8AM and it's now 8:25. As a psychology major I've learned that the best memories are linked to emotions.

Like one of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou: "...People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Whether it's embarrassment, love, anger, humility, pain, joy, sadness, etc, if an emotion touches us deep enough, it's going to stick with us forever.

I remember my 8th grade teacher Mr. K was my favorite middle school teacher. Not because he gave easy grades or let us out of class early, but because he was kind when he didn't have to be. For example, at the time I was in his class I was a vegetarian and knowing how much it disheartened me to dissect a frog - he cleverly planned the dissection for a day when I was on vacation and he let me write a make-up essay. (Mr. K also saved me from a devastating typo on my science project... but that's another blog).

Kindness makes you fond of people. And kindness makes people remember you. It's the same reason we can't stop thinking about that attractive someone we met, how bad the board meeting went today when you couldn't answer any questions, how much it hurt breaking your arm when you were 3 years old, an old coworker you always hated talking behind your back, the glory of winning a little league trophy, falling in front of a big crowd, or how the smell of butterscotch reminds you of growing up...

So before you get angry at the overseas customer service rep on the phone, the driver that cut you off on the freeway, your significant other that came home late, or your best friend who made you feel stupid, remember that interaction may become a bad memory emblazoned in their brain like a branding on a cattle.

Just save yourself the effort and be happy; give them something good to think about. Practice random acts of kindness and smile, because after all, isn't that how you'd want to be remembered? :)

Crumbs Make a Pie

Currently, I'm struggling with borders. More specifically, who draws the border and where. I read the book The 4 Hour Workweek and it got me to thinking - what is holding me back from dropping everything and doing what I really want?

I'll tell you.

It's figuring out what I really want to do. In the short-term it's no problem. I want to drink coffee and catch up on my favorite blogs. Play with my dog and sunbathe at the pool. Eat cheeseburgers and go bowling.

In the next few years I want to travel more of the world and learn random facts. I want to meet new people and laugh more often. I want to marry a man and learn to cook.

It's all peripheral really. I know the events I want to take place in my life and the general specifics surrounding them, but after that - your guess is probably better than mine.

Fortunately, I've come to terms with this and I've agreed with myself that this is fine. Crumbs make a pie, right? All the small things I like to do will eventually add up to a larger whole to form more complete satisfaction.

Yet, I just can't help but think that some piece is missing. Kind of like when you put together an old puzzle with 499 pieces? Yes, you can see the bigger picture and it looks great - but it's still so annoying that the one piece is missing, holding Entirety on the line with boring elevator music.

I'm on the border. Stay on my current path of satisfactory, or risk it all for greatness. But if we are the ones that draw our own borders, why do I keep erasing mine and moving it farther away?

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
~Dr. Seuss

Summer Outside Playing, I'm Not

Growing up in the sunny beach town of San Diego, summer has always been something I've looked forward to in Popsicle-melting, tan-line-acquiring, toes-in-the-warm-sand sizzling anticipation. Three months off school to do whatever we want!

Recently I was reminiscing about this and I asked a 10 year old girl what she was planning on doing for her summer vacation... She replied: "eat tacos."

The simplicity, humor, and foresight in that response was enough to incapacitate my attention for a good 30 seconds before I broke out into a huge grin. "That sounds perfect," I told her.

With a single mom that was working full time and going to school, 90% of my summers were spent watching Ricky Lake, getting into fights with my brother, and burning ants with a magnifying glass. These of course were not ideal activities, but for me, the activity didn't matter. Summer offered something completely different - the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, because I didn't have anywhere to be or anyone else to please.

But in the true sense of the phrase 'all good things must come to an end,' summer vacations are all but obsolete for me now. Once I graduated college and entered into the monochromatic, responsibility-filled, I-have-to-pay-off-all-these-bills adult life, summer became just like any other passing season that just happened to have warmer weather.

Now it occurs to me that summer was never about warm weather - it was about doing things that you usually don't get to do. Coincidentally, for me that now includes being out in the sunshine and it pains me to think that it's 75 degrees and sunny outside and I'm stuck here at my desk, staring at beige cubicle walls, and cold because the air conditioning is blasting, without so much as a glance out of a window.

So what does all this mean to those of us stuck in the concrete jungle? It means that we have to actively pursue the characteristics of summer. The chance to do what it is that really makes you happy is out there, you just have to take it.

Luckily for the most of us, there is a 3 day weekend coming up. What a perfect chance to practice our new found 'seize the summer day' attitudes. :)

Literally and figuratively, eating tacos.

Pandora's Box

Pandora, for those of you that are unfamiliar, is a self-proclaimed "music genome project." It is in my opinion one of the best inventions for music in my lifetime - you enter a song, genre, or artist, and it analyzes the musical characteristics of what you entered and spits out an endless playlist of songs. You not only get to hear all the songs you know and love and choose, but you get to learn of new songs and artists that you may have never found on your own.

And if that weren't enough, you can also turn down choices it selected for you, add more variety, tell it how often to play particular songs, skip ahead to the next song, pause, get more info about the songs, buy the songs instantly, add endless amounts of stations, share stations with other people, listen to pre-made stations, and see fun facts or the lyrics of the songs playing.

Basically, you can create the perfect radio station(s) that only plays the songs you like and listen anywhere you have Internet access (yes, even on your smart phone). Unlike satellite radio that repeats the same playlists over and over again, Pandora has an endless database so it only gets better with time. The era of individuality has arrived and Pandora has certainly hit the mark with their online radio station.

Because this has been around almost 10 years now, I suppose most of you have heard of Pandora and are wondering why I'm bringing it up like it's a new thing. Here's why...

Pandora is a clear example of the direction our world is headed. Me, me, me, now, now, now. The coming trend is personalized, individualized, instant gratification. While on one scale we have the potentially unbound creativity stemming from freedom of expression and increased value placed upon individuality, the other side holds the polarization of the individuals from the group which has been time-tested to lead to the dismantling of systems and chaos. Two heads are better than one turns into my head's better than yours. When we become separated from our unity we open the door to comparison followed immediately by envy. Envy breeds sadness, contempt, and dissatisfaction. And what are we left with? Radio stations and pink iPads?

Just as in the time-old tale of Pandora's box... at least we still have hope.

How Do You Tipple?

Today's word of the day: Tipple. Verb or noun. It can mean to drink liquor or be an intoxicating liquor drink, or be "a device that tilts or overturns a freight car to dump its contents." AWESOME.

One of the many pieces of evidence that the English language was developed with a sense of humor, ingenuity, and so that it makes it impossible to learn for any non-native speaker.

Things I Learned at the Dentist

After 18 months of procrastinating, I finally broke down and made an appointment to see the dentist. I came away with 3 fillings, a numb face, and several lessons learned:

1. Even the law is subjective. It was my first visit to this particular dentist office so I had to fill out the standard sign-your-life-away-paperwork. In this packet, as required by law, they have to give you a copy of their privacy practices, the following is an excerpt from that:

"We will also use our professional judgement and our experience with common practice to make reasonable inferences of your best interest..."

This statement is hilarious. Subjectivity is oozing out of it like a festering wound. The doctor's "professional judgement" is the sole proprietor of my dental records. And common practice? Just because everyone else is doing it, means its OK to do? I'm willing to bet that the author of this document was really good at bullshitting essays in school. That's a reasonable inference, right?

2. Doing the right thing is usually more expensive. My boss is a health freak and thinks that everything on this earth has toxins in it that are killing us (I'm not sure I disagree). While he may be at the extreme end of the spectrum, he found out he had mercury poisoning from his fillings. Of course, I was intrigued enough to do a little due diligence, and now I am forever changed on the perspective of dental fillings. (Seriously, watch this video.)

So the dentist comes to me with two options: amalgam fillings for free or the white composite ones for $42 each. I should have known that the insurance businessmen would pin me with that decision. But really, if they only knew the long term effects of mercury poisoning, maybe they'd find that the short term increased cost for the non-mercury-seeping fillings is less than several hundred doctors visits for vision, coordination, and muscle weakness problems that occur after a lifetime of subjection to mercury poison. Mercury poison is also transferable to unborn babies - your mom may have never dropped you on your head - but she most likely had metal fillings that poisoned you...

If you haven't already guessed I opted for the white fillings (not because I have $$ to burn) because it was the right thing to do.

3. It is incredibly hard to put lip gloss on when you can't feel your lips. Think of the old lady in that commercial asking "Is it on straaaaaaight?" That was me. Followed by a comical procession of me trying to sip my coffee, me trying to eat lunch, me trying not to drool... losing control of my lip is not my favorite thing.

The biggest lessons I learned out of it all is - step up the dental hygeine. Brushing and flossing regularly is not enough anymore.

The Unromanticized Side of Marriage

Ask any successful athlete, pilot, wall street investor, chef, lawyer, dancer, doctor, Marketing/Advertising/PR professional, comedian, ... and they'll tell you it is all about timing. I think that the success of relationships is completely ruled by this factor as well. Here's a string of evidence to support my case:

1. Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. If any of you ever watched even one show, you'll know that it's all about the seemingly endless quest for Carrie (et al) to find "the one." In the movie she ends up marrying a man she once dated but dumped because he couldn't give her what she wanted... (apparently she was ok being left on hold) and then he came around and proposed.

This introduces my concept of men vs. women in relationships. My theory is that women spend their whole adult lives searching for Prince Charming (who can blame them - girls grow up watching Cinderella and mature into the onslaught of successful RomComs littering our movie theaters). Men spend their whole adult lives avoiding being tied down - but eventually catch up in maturity and discover that relationships are way better than cold Chinese food and getting hammered at Hooters - and at whatever point in time that is - they decide to marry the woman they are with. No questions, no regrets.

For men, marriage is a loss of freedom. For women, it is a search for completeness. Many trials and tribulations later, it really all comes down to timing. When is the man ready?


2. Marriage is like the iPhone, you really don't think you need it until you see how it can change your life and what it can do. Once you have it you'll wonder how you ever lived without it.

Women in their 20s expect their friends to be seriously dating - and if they're not - they wonder why. Men in the their 20s expect their friends to be single and come to poker night, wing night, and be their wing men, and if they're not - then they're considered sissy and forgotten.

Luckily for us women, somewhere between 24 and 29 most of the men man-up and start getting married and all of a sudden the attractiveness of marriage becomes screamingly evident. After all, if all your friends are doing it, then it must be the right thing to do and the right time to do it.

So how do we avoid this biological sense of entrapment and un-romance?

You wait it out until the timing is perfect in your life.

You focus first on yourself - make yourself the best you that you can be, find out who you are, and most of all be proud of who you are so that you don't change it for anyone. Next you focus on setting up your life so that you are ready to share it with someone else. Work on finding a good career, settle down in a place where you want to live for a while, set financial and physical goals to work toward... then when the time is right, open your eyes.

I don't believe in one soul mate. I believe in there being many people that could share interests, life views, values, and plans. The key is to finding someone who wants you for you, during a time that you are ready and able to share yourself with them ... when the timing is right. It's not the who, but the when.

Do yourself a favor and stop dwelling on unrealistic Twilight-like notions and just enjoy life. There's a bigger plan for the universe than anyone could even imagine for themselves. Do your part and everything else will fall into place.

Note to all the cynics: Yes, I realize there are freaks of nature out there that are happily married and dated since they were 14 - the true "love at first sight" kind of couples.... I'm speaking in generalities here. More power to those people! :)

Peter Piper Picked a Pack of Pickeled ... Pictures of his food?

Everyone knows one but never admits to being one. They are the people who are obsessed with their food to the point where they feel the need to brag about it. We get it, food is delicious, can be complex, and is one of the few guaranteed joys of life. But I've never understood why people feel the need to take photos of their food and publish them, or describe in detail the wonderful meal they just ate.

[Unless that's your job. The one and only exclusion are chefs. By all means, if I could successfully capture the masterpiece of my work in a single snapshot, I'd post it all over the world.]

I'm not alone. The New York Times did a whole story on the seemingly new phenomenon. Maybe these people appreciate the art that is involved in the making of food, maybe the onset of 24/7 available technology has inspired it, or maybe these people are just not hungry enough to want to ravage the meal in front of them almost as immediately as they get it (much like me).

But the addiction becomes unsettling when I read ridiculous "news" tidbits like this: “It was a nightmare,” Mr. Garcia said, particularly because the unfocused pictures “were not the quality I’m used to.”" (One food exasperator who lost his precious iPhone and thus had to find other methods to carry out his obsession.)

One woman blogs 66% of her meals as a way to describe who she really is via food. Really? Even if you can find someone to read that blog, the behavior she is exhibiting seems unhealthy. What's the point anyway? I know people that feel the need to describe in detail the ingredients of a great meal they just ate, or how they went to a popular eatery last weekend. It might just be me, but I really don't care.

When it comes to food talk, I am very unromantic. I want more practical details. Tell me how you made it faster than before, tell me how you whipped something up with uncommon ingredients, tell me a new way to cook something.... hence the reason I like watching 'Chopped' or 'Iron Chef' over Paula Dean's homestyle cookin' (<--she irritates me almost as much as Carrot Top).

Clearly, you know my opinion on it. And that's all it is. But when it comes to food, I'm eating it, not documenting.

Laughing Out Loud

Here's a little list of funny things that have made me laugh recently:

1. Upon receiving a new stuffed animal toy, my little dog Bella rips the eyes out, humps it, and then rips out all the stuffing inside of it. Domination.

2. In efforts to not "waste" the extra coffee I brewed this morning, I brought two travel mugs filled to the brim to work. 3 hours later, I'm still working on the first one...

3. When I was wearing my ballet flats at work I moved so quickly down the stairs that I was borderline Riverdancing.

4. I thought about Topanga from Boy Meets World.

5. My blazer has foam shoulder pads and when I walk or shrug they crinkle. Pure class.

6. I ate the most bitter, wretched, sugarless, dark chocolate and almost spit it out. Then subsequently fell in love with it and finished the entire bar.

7. My boss listed one of his heroes as Bilbo Baggins.


The moral of this blog is to never take life too seriously. There is really funny stuff going on all around us and face it, life is never really that bad. Smile!! :)

How to spot a Turkey

The Wall Street journal proposes an interesting concept regarding turkeys. Not the birds, but clunker stocks.

The bottom line (for those of you too lazy to read through the article): Don't buy stock in companies that aren't doing well, because "...it's a lot easier to spot a turkey than an eagle."

I read this article and felt instantly enlightened and rejuvenated about the concept on investing. Such a simple thing to do, don't put money into things that aren't profitable. [I haven't bought anything at Pier1 Imports in 10 years... chances are no one else has either... hence it's not that surprising to hear that they're going out of business.] The great part is that this article is really helpful, the shocking part is that people have to be reminded of "common" sense. When did risk become such a trend, if the sure thing is what pays off??

The world is still chasing the glimmer of hope in striking it big, when they could be earning just as much with much less effort/ingenuity playing the safe cards. As if we're playing poker and they're all waiting for that royal flush, when all you need is a pair of 9s to win that hand. If you don't get the pieces you need, then its better to just play what's in your hand. It's like they're all 49ers still in the stream beds looking for gold...

It's just common sense.

Very few of us will ever strike it rich with an ingenious investment or clever invention... therefore time is better spent playing it safe. At least when it comes to money... :)

Literally and actually calculating risk.

Apples to Oranges

All of life is just one big comparison. This restaurant doesn't have as good of food/service/atmosphere as that one, this movie wasn't as good as the book, your girlfriend/boyfriend isn't as thoughtful/pretty/funny as your ex, you don't make as much money as your coworkers, et cetera et cetera.

You see, comparison breeds envy. Why do you think rich people can never be happy? Because they are never satisfied with what they have. An endless quest for more money, more cars, bigger houses, shinier watches. If someone else has something better, you have to have it too.

The same reason that some guys won't call girls (that they didn't really even like) back until they see them out with another guy -- they want what they don't/can't have. They compare themselves to the new person and are envious of what they have. The entire fashion industry seems to run on envy. Girls want to look like the skinny, pretty, glamorous models, and guys want to be with them.

I read an article today that listed the top 5 traits of happy people. One of them was being thankful for what you have and another was appreciating the smaller things in life. In the end you should focus on what truly makes you happy. And if that is a yacht and a mansion in the Hamptons that makes you happy, by all means, indulge. But remember, life is not a competition and you'll stress yourself out (and burn yourself out) if you try to live that way.

Sunshine, love, and puppies.

Bee Yourself

You can attract more bees with honey... so why don't more people put that into practice? It seems to me that someone is more likely to get what they want by being agreeable, kind, and genuinely friendly.

But this cold, hard world has turned in to a business atmosphere filled with trickery and deceit. I feel like everyday is Black Friday at Walmart... people pushing, shoving, trampling other people to get ahead. My boss told me that most CEOs get where they are by stepping on at least one person along the way.

This phenomenon has a dubious outcome...

Be that as it may, I still stay the same. I send handwritten thank you notes. I offer to help others without being asked or having an ulterior motive. I practice random acts of kindness. I smile. I am genuinely concerned for other people. I listen. I have fun. I crack jokes. I'm just me.

Because this is such a rare commodity in this day and age, I've found that people are drawn to it. I don't do it because it makes me successful. I do it because it makes me happy.

Seriously, try out being happier, lighter, cheerier, more charming, for just one day and tell me you didn't have fun.

Maybe it's no coincidence that my last name means 'wasp.' :)

Going the Extra Mile

After many trials and tribulations, I discovered the best deodorant ever made and it was only $3.04. (Seriously, find it here).

Price shouldn't matter that much anyway. I can't imagine that the technology of deodorant has come that far in the last 20 years, so far as to create such a vast range in pricing. Is it so much to ask for a product that works well and is a reasonable price? What happened to taking pride in the product you make??

Capitalism, that's my theory as to what happened. The classic quantity over quality battle.

Well, I'm here to say, that quality and taking pride in one's product has not completely gone to the wayside.

Exhibit A: Degree for Women, Red Satin Dress Ultra Clear deodorant. It smells good, it goes on clear, and it works all day/night. What's even better, is that it sells for $1 - $4 less than all the other options.

Do you know how much dedication I had to have to find it? About 15 years worth... Think about it: from the time you first start wearing deodorant, then using each for 2-3 months, almost exhausting the entire aisle of types and brands? (If I weren't in to the whole waste-not-want-not concept, I guess it could have been a little quicker...as I begrudgingly forced myself to use each til I was scraping my armpit with cold hard plastic.) To be fair, I hit a phase of repetition forced upon me by my bottom of the barrel college budget. Strategy = whatever I can buy with this handful of change left at the bottom of my backpack.

Exhibit B: Red Bull energy drinks. Have you ever noticed the difference in the tab of the can? It matches the can and it has a little cut out bull instead of the normal oval hole. Is there purpose to either of those undoubtedly extra-costly features? Only that it shows they take pride in their product.

In no way am I implying that branded products are better than generic. I am a big proponent of generic products. Which leads me to ....

Exhibit C: Staples 5mm Correction Tape. First of all, if you haven't yet moved from liquid white-out to the tape, get on it - your life will be forever changed by the concept. Secondly, the Staples brand is less expensive, and in my opinion works 10x better than it's competition which often gets tangled and bunched up.

Exhibit D: Kleenex Facial Tissues (product MJT010). Ever bummed because you just went to the store to buy your toiletries, only to find the next day that the tissue you grabbed is the last of the box? Solution: the above mentioned tissues. When you reach the last 10 tissues, they are pastel orange (instead of white) to denote you are running low. Again, not a required feature, they do it because its nice, because they can, and because they have pride in their work.

Long story short, there are still good, well-made, practical, fairly-priced products out there. So don't descriminate and definitely don't settle for less. If the demand surges toward better products, guess what? They'll create them!

Uncouth Bluetooth

Ever see those people in traffic, at the coffee shop, walking their dog, walking into work, in the wee hours of the morning talking on the phone? I do. Daily. My question to you is, who are they talking to? No one that I know is up (and at 'em) that early, and certainly no one I know has that important of information to tell me before the double digits of the morning.

Curious, I listened in on one loud-talking morning jab session walking into my work building. It seemed to me, she was talking to a friend about a romantic situation...

At.

7.

A.

M.

Definitely information that could wait. Or could it?

It very well may have been that it was a morning after walk of shame (just to have someone on the other line so she didn't feel so awkward walking in a party dress and heels in the downtown bustle of the workweek) support call. Could be.

In that case, I'd imagine the woman on the other end of the line to look a little something like this:



"Oh my gawd Becky"








Either way, the incessant need to always be on the phone irritates me. I appreciate people that live in the here and now. Not the hear and now. I get that people need to make long distance phone calls to old friends and out-of-town family. I get that some business just can't wait. I'm talking about the people who get in their car and first things first put on their bluetooths and dial away. Chatty Cathy.

[Side note: I was completely unaware of the creepy old school Chatty Cathy dolls until this very moment when I was searching for an image for the blog. I could have lived my whole life not knowing that existed...and wish I had].

Chatty Cathies often are not self proclaimed. They are usually people (albeit rare, Chatty Chadwicks can exist too! I'll refer to them collectively as CCs from here on out) who miss the normal social cues of conversation. For example, the hedges used to end phone conversations, the abrupt changes in subjects, the quiet other end on the line... CCs love talking about themselves and will do so to just about anyone.

Shadow a CC for the day and I bet my left shoelace you'll hear at least 2 of their stories more than once. I feel like they have the undying need to explain every detail and piece of background information in order to get their story across. CCs live in a life where they imagine that everyone else finds their life's happenings to be as interesting as they do.

The advent of cell phones is making this just the more possible. CCs have branched out from bored housewives and retirees to on-the-go soccer moms and secretaries in Vermont. CCs are more prominent than ever.

More seriously, the introduction of mobile communication has doused the world with ADD. Now, because we can do more, and the competition has been doing more for months now, to keep up we too must do more. All the time, on the go, hurry, faster, now!! My heart rate increases just thinking about the stress this has caused.

Technology... that two-faced son of a jackal.

No Bones About "It" - Picture of the Week

Blob Fish

Boneless, jelly like, slimey, ... putrid. Reminiscent of a raw chicken breast. Disgusting. THIS is why I have a panic attack whenever I'm in the ocean and something brushes against my leg.

Don't bother reading the story, it's garbage.

What you talkin about Willis?

Money. That's what Willis is talkin about. At least now that he's getting what is rightfully his...

It seems that life has been a series of unfortunate events for Willis squared, beginning at birth when his parents thought it would be funny to give him the double moniker Willis.

Tuesday, it was reported, Willis Willis the lottery winner finally got some of his money back after being duped by a 25 yr old Nepalese convenience store employee. Poor ole Willy seriously underestimated the savagery of a hungry and greedy college student with compromised morals.

Which is why whenever I play the lotto I am sure to check my own numbers myself.

The reality is, the impersonality of this current world requires an increased level of skepticism. The abilities we have today as the human race are incredible. We can travel across the globe in 12 hours, we can skype business partners on different continents, we can disseminate information with the click of a button.... All which have both great benefit and great danger.

We don't know each other. We didn't grow up on the farm next to you. Our parents don't know each other. I didn't date you in high school. And this lack of connection invites foul play which breeds mistrust. The world is becoming compartmentalized as we become more individualized and independent.

Lucky for Willis Willis, the law was able to offer some sort of recompense. But I wouldn't bank on that for much longer. We're on our way to the cold and lifeless land of robots and flying cars.

Gaga 2040:

Sense and Sensibility

"I hate the way sneezes smell", I told my friend.

(Yes, there is matter, therefore there can be a smell.)

Shortly after, I realized not everyone can smell their sneezes. Which brought to my attention all the other things I am somehow able to pick up on that no one else does. Like what people are cooking in my apartment complex and the particular scent of aluminum, beach, and grilled red bell peppers in my boyfriend's car.

At times, this seemingly extraordinary sense can be beneficial. I can inhale the aroma of baking cookies and practically taste them, I can pinpoint the type of flower that smells so fragrant and pick them, and I can determine if I'll like a food or drink just by smelling it (oh, no, thank you, I won't like port wine).

As you can imagine, there are definite downsides. Case in point: my almost passing out at the smell of the dirty grease trap at Red Robin yesterday. I kept saying, "how can these people eat with this smell all around them?" Them: "What smell?"

Such is the life of observational neuroticism.

And because our olfaction is so closely related to our sense of taste, I have super taste buds too. (No wonder I always hated vegetables growing up.)

So, here's my theory regarding my super-freakness: Sense Compensation.

I'm blind as a naked mole rat so my sense of smell/taste are heightened to compensate for the lacking vision. Just another factoid that proves how amazing the human body - nature really, (as I'm sure this is a function of natural selection/survival) - is.

Literally and actually thinking of ways to put my Spidey-senses to use.

Baubles and Bibelots

As stubborn and independent as I am, I find it's really hard to ignore "what everyone else is doing" (and also, apparently, the impulse to put random quotation marks around things). So naturally, when the True Blood/Sookie Stackhouse phenomenon hit, I was curious... but was hesitant to jump on any bandwagon until I was sure they had strong enough oxen to cross the rivers and no scurvy (Oregon Trail reference? Anyone??... alright fine never mind). After exhausting my options (also known as running out of Harry Potter books to read), I gave in and began reading the series. Ok, so I kind of ended up enjoying it (if you call reading 7 out of 9 200+ page books in about 2 months). NERD ALERT.

As the fellow readers of this series may know, the author often repeats things from book to book - I assume for the lunatics who read the book series out of order (enter OCD hyperventilation). One of the things that is mentioned repeatedly is the fact that Sookie Stackhouse uses a Word-of-the-day calendar.

Recently, (I started a new paragraph in hopes to prove to myself that it was unrelated) I subscribed to the Dictionary.com Word-of-the-Day email. (Would that be categorized as obsessed? I hope not. Coincidental, I think - its hard to tell these days with all the media messages flying around. In my mind, it's more of a self bequest to learn more words and be part of yet another email distribution list for an endless flow of goobna into my inbox - I swear, I really just thought it was a good idea.)

Today's word: Bibelot. Synonym: Trinket.

Do we really need another word to describe little pieces of unnecessary material possessions? I think they run out of words to use and coin new ones. It's funny too because even as I'm typing this new "Word-of-the-Day," the spellchecker doesn't recognize that its a valid word. Well, it stems from the word Bauble, which someone probably also made up. Why do they have to use such crazy words for the "Word-of-the-Day" anyway? How about they give the workhorses of the English language some respect? What about the word "the"?

It doesn't make sense, but since I can't avoid it, here is my list of made up words:

sharqot - laughing with your eyes closed
weakum - the almost inaudible noise the air through your closed window makes when driving
dringo - layered necklace
tlipus - hot sauce mixed with mayonnaise

Feel free to use them. Sharquahaha.