The Unromanticized Side of Marriage

Ask any successful athlete, pilot, wall street investor, chef, lawyer, dancer, doctor, Marketing/Advertising/PR professional, comedian, ... and they'll tell you it is all about timing. I think that the success of relationships is completely ruled by this factor as well. Here's a string of evidence to support my case:

1. Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. If any of you ever watched even one show, you'll know that it's all about the seemingly endless quest for Carrie (et al) to find "the one." In the movie she ends up marrying a man she once dated but dumped because he couldn't give her what she wanted... (apparently she was ok being left on hold) and then he came around and proposed.

This introduces my concept of men vs. women in relationships. My theory is that women spend their whole adult lives searching for Prince Charming (who can blame them - girls grow up watching Cinderella and mature into the onslaught of successful RomComs littering our movie theaters). Men spend their whole adult lives avoiding being tied down - but eventually catch up in maturity and discover that relationships are way better than cold Chinese food and getting hammered at Hooters - and at whatever point in time that is - they decide to marry the woman they are with. No questions, no regrets.

For men, marriage is a loss of freedom. For women, it is a search for completeness. Many trials and tribulations later, it really all comes down to timing. When is the man ready?


2. Marriage is like the iPhone, you really don't think you need it until you see how it can change your life and what it can do. Once you have it you'll wonder how you ever lived without it.

Women in their 20s expect their friends to be seriously dating - and if they're not - they wonder why. Men in the their 20s expect their friends to be single and come to poker night, wing night, and be their wing men, and if they're not - then they're considered sissy and forgotten.

Luckily for us women, somewhere between 24 and 29 most of the men man-up and start getting married and all of a sudden the attractiveness of marriage becomes screamingly evident. After all, if all your friends are doing it, then it must be the right thing to do and the right time to do it.

So how do we avoid this biological sense of entrapment and un-romance?

You wait it out until the timing is perfect in your life.

You focus first on yourself - make yourself the best you that you can be, find out who you are, and most of all be proud of who you are so that you don't change it for anyone. Next you focus on setting up your life so that you are ready to share it with someone else. Work on finding a good career, settle down in a place where you want to live for a while, set financial and physical goals to work toward... then when the time is right, open your eyes.

I don't believe in one soul mate. I believe in there being many people that could share interests, life views, values, and plans. The key is to finding someone who wants you for you, during a time that you are ready and able to share yourself with them ... when the timing is right. It's not the who, but the when.

Do yourself a favor and stop dwelling on unrealistic Twilight-like notions and just enjoy life. There's a bigger plan for the universe than anyone could even imagine for themselves. Do your part and everything else will fall into place.

Note to all the cynics: Yes, I realize there are freaks of nature out there that are happily married and dated since they were 14 - the true "love at first sight" kind of couples.... I'm speaking in generalities here. More power to those people! :)